HOW can I explain this??

I want
    to be more
    in touch with
    my heart
        my closest self
        my authentic ME

"The feels" -- should lead me somewhere -- should
    inform my action
        should
DRIVE ME
        should
touch me, then extend and
            touch all else --
                the things I interact with
         the
    world I put myself in
            the
    work
        I demonstrate
                    FUCK.

FUCK!
    How can I explain this?

I haven't been feeling.

I've been drowning myself in...numb?
    So stop.    Stop.    STOP.
        Cry. Hurt. Feel the pain -- THE PAIN OF

The pain. of. not. feeling.
    Because that shit hurts worse than --
        than anything that could be felt.

Feeling is the medium.  Emotion is the tool.
    This is how I show the world - myself included -
Who I Am.
        Feel. Create. Destroy.  Feel.  Create.  Destroy.

                BEGIN ANEW