weird

I love you I'm sorry I'm weird
it's just, I sometimes get scared
and I can't
put
the words
together.

seeds

the worst feeling is
the loss of one loved;
a feeling of wrenching
so strong in your gut;
the terror, the clenching,
from down, deep inside -
it sets you to trembling,
a Choice: Fight or Flight?
To fight and risk losing,
whatever pride's left
to fly and avoid it,
not know what was best.
Inclination is: fleeing,
from what's causing pain -
logically it's clear
that won't help bring gain -
but fighting: it's freeing,
it plants seeds of growth,
it bolsters conviction,
and brings the heart hope.
Only when it's returned,
can something be brewed;
so I'll keep on fighting,
to see what you do.

insignificant

there's this bump in the road I cannot cross
I'm reaching for you, but feel you're lost
my heart is breaking, silently
as I try to calm down, try to breathe
I want you here, right by my side
can I tell you how hard I've tried
to pull you back into my spin
to lift you up when you've no grin
I want to touch you constantly
but only fall down to my knees
alone, without you, isolated
I focus on myself instead
because you cannot meet me there
all I see's your hollow stare
I feel so insignificant
beneath all the searing tears I've wept
while waiting here I hope to see
one day, will you come back to me?
but how long, lover, should I wait
while my heart crumbles and breaks,
holding on so desperately
hoping that you still want me.

lingerer

I hate you 'cause I love you
and I know you love me, too.
I love the way your eyes shine
that deep, inviting blue.
It pulls me in, so haunting -
grasping, pawing at my soul,
daring me to chase you,
to leap through a solid wall.
The bricks are daunting to me,
keeping me held back.
There's something in your manner
suggesting you'd feel trapped.
No matter what my heart says,
I'm scared to show my hand.
My instinct says you're flawless -
my head knows you are fanged.
There's danger in your waters;
the faintest ripple of a shark.
It's keeping me from trying
to see what's within your heart.
Some day, I hope, I'll find you,
a beacon blaring bright.
But if I don't, I'm sure that
you'll still linger in my mind.

madness

drown it deep within the night
bury it away from light
hide it from the smallest glimpse
lose it in the thickest mist
forget those troublesome feelings
close the mind from suffering
pretend your face will make you strong
act like you always belonged
mask the pain that's felt inside
cover it with swollen pride
puff the chest to make you seem
more than a lost and worthless dream
paste that smile, glue it on
fake it, make it, til the dawn
smoke the sad thoughts all away
drink the madness til it's sane
paint the mask on silently
keep on laughing, never scream
so one day, maybe, you will feel
like something in you might be real.