14 September, 2016

Me;Inspired.

Eyes won’t close to let me sleep;
beating, quaking, it’s bone deep –
Although my body’s weary, tired,
finally, I feel inspired:
For once within the last six months,
words drift, soft, right off my tongue.
Somehow, there’s this motivation -
suddenly I feel my place and,
reminders, bright, they grace my skin,
they tell me, here, begin again.
At my right side they hearken, near:
"Lift your chin up please, my dear!"
Women tied to my bloodstream
stand so strong, help me sing.
So to the left there’s family,
who lift me up and fill my wings,
remind me I can tame the beast,
reach out with love, encouraging,
who see there down on my right leg:
An image of a girl who played,
who, come the sunshine or the dark
always offered up her heart,
and grew into the woman, left,
whose fiery spirit laughed, and wept and
always carved out her own trail,
no matter if she’d win or fail.
So eyes, now open, to the past,
I feel existence on my back,
and though, some days, it feels heavy,
I will not hesitate to see
a universe full of wondrous things
connected to this earth by tree,
and not afraid, though sometimes lost,
I’ll wander, free, and fight with cause.

01 September, 2016

Epiphany

This epiphany has hit me;
somehow everything has changed.
Six months ago I woke up
ev'ry morn feeling afraid -
Afraid that you would leave me,
that you had no love to give -
Afraid of some dishonesty,
some lie to trap me in.
Somewhere along the line it seems
these fears, with time, dissolved.
Your presence now feels safe to me;
all my worries are assuaged.
Your arms bring me security;
they calm my roughest waves.
Your words bring me much comfort,
which softly shakes me from my daze.
Where once wounds, deep, had gouged me,
now only linger soft, white scars.
And though I'd locked my heart away,
you've crashed right through those bars.
So at once I'll say: I'm sorry,
for keeping up my guard.
But I'll also smile and thank you,
for softening up my heart.
Your patience has been crucial
in unlocking all my gates,
and at the top of these broad turrets,
my nest, you rest, and keep me safe.

04 May, 2016

the sun

the rays of the sun are
more intimate
give me more
love
than you
golden rays are 
safer
warmer
make me feel better
have more effort
more energy
more passion
more intensity
more expression...
than you.
the sun wants to touch me
wants to hold me
to lift me
kiss me
light my way
the sun does not try
it just does
I do not have to ask
I do not have to pry
or prod
or poke
or fight for its glance
the sun will always be there
I know that for sure
of your presence in my future
however
I've not been assured.

16 April, 2016

greener

the grass is always greener
is the story of my life
I swear there's nothing truly
that will make me satisfied
something's always broken
nothing's never gained
and once I get down to it
I'm sure I'm just afraid -
afraid of what? commitment?
afraid of what? the truth?
or maybe I'm just searching
for something worth to lose -
or something whose attention
I do not have to fight
something whose affections
bring me to the light
the grass is always greener
maybe that's reality
should I shift and settle
or hold out until I'm free?

05 April, 2016

bolder

I am not afraid of
hardship,
for it only makes me stronger.
at risk of being
hardened
I'll disturb my inner slumber.
I'd rather live in
danger
of the things that may disturb me,
than sit at home, pensive,
alone -
my components atrophying.
the licking tongues of flame filled
love
entice me, draw me closer -
and every time I think I'll
burn,
I end up growing bolder.
though I've failed time and again,
challenge
drives me ever forward,
instills a sense of comfort in the
growth
propelling upward
toward an open welcome sky,
devoid
of empty meaning,
so though storm clouds sometimes
approach,
you'll
never
        see me
                   fleeing.

it's me.

I'm lost
I don't know what to do
something's
keeping me from you
it stops me
holds my feelings back
it grabs me
leaving me entrapped
FEAR
is what this feeling is
old wounds
slither from the mist
warn me
of your treachery -
nonexistent
in reality
your touch
is what I need to heal
those fingers
remind me what is real
our hearts
they dance so perfectly
I think
the problem here is me.


the cycle

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU
those words are ringing, loud and true
they hollow out my soul of rot
leave me feeling lost, forgot
they wind me up inside my head
fill my mind with thoughts of dread
and there I go, reeling again
just when I thought I'd stopped my spin
of chaos which will never cease
it seems to pull me down with ease
each time a high comes, lifts me up
I get buried, covered, left to rust
and so I'm crumbled, and it seems
that there is no escape from these
endless cycles; ups and downs
I'm fighting constantly for ground
so every time I reach my high
I'm left to foresee my next good-bye.

19 February, 2016

sensuality

it reaches out and grabs me:
your sensuality -
then wraps me up in comfort;
a familiar, welcome dream.
blue eyes, so deep, invite me
to take shelter in your storm,
the center of which moves me,
giving motion to my form.
your tenderness is wholesome
as it wraps me in its arms.
tightly I'm entwined within
this nest which I adore.
each time I return home there,
I feel safe, soft, at ease -
I'm surrounded by your loving;
my harbinger of peace.

11 February, 2016

catch me

falling, drifting, tumbling down,
twirling round and round and round
inside my head I cannot see
the true meaning of anything.
I reach out for some hold to grasp
even if it means I'll crash -
but suddenly I find I've stopped
comfortably; I will not drop.
around I look and touch; distressed
I realize I'm within my nest -
my chest is full of breath again!
my head's no longer filled with sand
so when my lids, I open, pry,
I see your eyes, the bluest sky
which lift me, calm me, wrap me up,
remind me there's a thing called trust.
the hollow terror in my heart
is filled now with a warmth, a spark,
a cleansing flood; intimacy
tucks me away deep in its folds
safe away now from the cold,
and now I'm certain; now I know:
you always catch me when I fall.

29 January, 2016

weird

I love you I'm sorry I'm weird
it's just, I sometimes get scared
and I can't
put
the words
together.

16 January, 2016

seeds

the worst feeling is
the loss of one loved;
a feeling of wrenching
so strong in your gut;
the terror, the clenching,
from down, deep inside -
it sets you to trembling,
a Choice: Fight or Flight?
To fight and risk losing,
whatever pride's left
to fly and avoid it,
not know what was best.
Inclination is: fleeing,
from what's causing pain -
logically it's clear
that won't help bring gain -
but fighting: it's freeing,
it plants seeds of growth,
it bolsters conviction,
and brings the heart hope.
Only when it's returned,
can something be brewed;
so I'll keep on fighting,
to see what you do.

05 January, 2016

insignificant

there's this bump in the road I cannot cross
I'm reaching for you, but feel you're lost
my heart is breaking, silently
as I try to calm down, try to breathe
I want you here, right by my side
can I tell you how hard I've tried
to pull you back into my spin
to lift you up when you've no grin
I want to touch you constantly
but only fall down to my knees
alone, without you, isolated
I focus on myself instead
because you cannot meet me there
all I see's your hollow stare
I feel so insignificant
beneath all the searing tears I've wept
while waiting here I hope to see
one day, will you come back to me?
but how long, lover, should I wait
while my heart crumbles and breaks,
holding on so desperately
hoping that you still want me.

04 January, 2016

lingerer

I hate you 'cause I love you
and I know you love me, too.
I love the way your eyes shine
that deep, inviting blue.
It pulls me in, so haunting -
grasping, pawing at my soul,
daring me to chase you,
to leap through a solid wall.
The bricks are daunting to me,
keeping me held back.
There's something in your manner
suggesting you'd feel trapped.
No matter what my heart says,
I'm scared to show my hand.
My instinct says you're flawless -
my head knows you are fanged.
There's danger in your waters;
the faintest ripple of a shark.
It's keeping me from trying
to see what's within your heart.
Some day, I hope, I'll find you,
a beacon blaring bright.
But if I don't, I'm sure that
you'll still linger in my mind.

01 January, 2016

madness

drown it deep within the night
bury it away from light
hide it from the smallest glimpse
lose it in the thickest mist
forget those troublesome feelings
close the mind from suffering
pretend your face will make you strong
act like you always belonged
mask the pain that's felt inside
cover it with swollen pride
puff the chest to make you seem
more than a lost and worthless dream
paste that smile, glue it on
fake it, make it, til the dawn
smoke the sad thoughts all away
drink the madness til it's sane
paint the mask on silently
keep on laughing, never scream
so one day, maybe, you will feel
like something in you might be real.