Me;Inspired.

Eyes won’t close to let me sleep;

beating, quaking, it’s bone deep –

Although my body’s weary, tired,

finally, I feel inspired:

For once within the last six months,

words drift, soft, right off my tongue.

Somehow, there’s this motivation -

suddenly I feel my place and,

reminders, bright, they grace my skin,

they tell me, here, begin again.

At my right side they hearken, near:

"Lift your chin up please, my dear!"

Women tied to my bloodstream

stand so strong, help me sing.

So to the left there’s family,

who lift me up and fill my wings,

remind me I can tame the beast,

reach out with love, encouraging,

who see there down on my right leg:

An image of a girl who played,

who, come the sunshine or the dark

always offered up her heart,

and grew into the woman, left,

whose fiery spirit laughed, and wept and

always carved out her own trail,

no matter if she’d win or fail.

So eyes, now open, to the past,

I feel existence on my back,

and though, some days, it feels heavy,

I will not hesitate to see

a universe full of wondrous things

connected to this earth by tree,

and not afraid, though sometimes lost,

I’ll wander, free, and fight with cause.

bolder

I am not afraid of
hardship,
for it only makes me stronger.
at risk of being
hardened
I'll disturb my inner slumber.
I'd rather live in
danger
of the things that may disturb me,
than sit at home, pensive,
alone -
my components atrophying.
the licking tongues of flame filled
love
entice me, draw me closer -
and every time I think I'll
burn,
I end up growing bolder.
though I've failed time and again,
challenge
drives me ever forward,
instills a sense of comfort in the
growth
propelling upward
toward an open welcome sky,
devoid
of empty meaning,
so though storm clouds sometimes
approach,
you'll
never
        see me
                   fleeing.

another day

Something I've discovered,
is that life will be okay.
No matter what the circumstance,
there'll come another day.
A day to tackle mountains,
to see the whole world shine
A day to conquer oceans,
and to wash away the brine.
The stars will shine forever,
a new world always turns.
The sun peeks up at morning,
waves, by the moon, are stirred.
There will be beginning,
each time there comes an end.
Flowers, each spring, blossom,
after winter's frosty hand.
Life is full of learning,
and of mistakes to be made.
But all these things are worth it -
open minds, they relish change.

Old Strings

I feel it fluttering deep inside -
Whatever it is just seems to hide.
There is no glimmer in your eyes;
I wonder if they'd even cry.

I cannot read you, cannot see,
Inside your deep, dark mystery.
I feel a move could make you flee!
Why risk the possibility?

Why is it that you drown in fear,
Of keeping any person near?
Have you even leaked a tear,
To mourn the one you've missed for years?

There's nothing I can do for you.
You must be the one to seek the truth,
To find old strings you must set loose,
And then forward, you can move.

To Run

Run.
Run, and run, and run;
don't stop.
Do your best to
just get lost.
Forget today,
tomorrow, next year.
Leave behind that
which has caused fear.
Dive right in the
deep dark sea.
Leave behind any
saddening memory.
Scream so loud
your throat goes raw.
Make that found
be full of awe.
The skies are open
ever endlessly.
Find what you seek
and make it sing.
The best things follow
that which takes work.
Push so hard
your face will smirk.
Push til it takes -
question, confront.
But last of all,
remember most:
it's always best
to run.

Fairy Tales

I want to be appreciated for
Things I appreciate about myself.
Please don't contradict me
Or try to stow me on a shelf.
I want those who see within me
To see what I see within myself.
If I'm stronger than you think I am
You're missing something else.
I want a gentle lover 'cause
I am so gentle with myself.
Someone who understands my heart

And leaves nothing left withheld.

I want a heart that burns white hot

Dances fire and fire with myself.

An ember blazing in the dark

That just will not be dispelled.

I want soft lips to match the way

Soft words echo from myself.

Words so deep and true and honest

Any doubts are chased with stealth.

But most of all I want someone to realize

The dreams I have for my future self.

To grasp my hand and run through time

Chase those stories, grasp those fairy tales.

Enigmatic

You are somewhat enigmatic,
And I'm curious to know:
What is there inside of you?
Why do you hide your glow?

I think I'd like to find out,
Who you really are.
There's wonder hidden underneath -
I sense it from your heart.

And if I meet something too real,
Will I feel exposed?
What will I do if I find hell,
Behind the doors now closed?

If I reach out and take your hand,
And all it brings is pain,
Will I survive that wrath again?
You see why I'm afraid?

Despite all of my worries,
There's a part of me that stirs.
I dare to say it's worth the risk,
In quest for some thing more.

I don't want to fear for feel of love,
So try I will to seek the flame.
To reach through someone else's soul,
Is an act that holds no shame.

Something Beautiful

Something beautiful
My way did walk.
A figure so graceful,
My heart beat did stop.

Warm summer sunshine
Danced in the air -
A shimmer, a glimmer,
Of something so rare.

A hand that stretched out
For eternity,
Trying to reach;
To set the soul free.

Something beautiful,
It shivers, it sparks,
It glistens, it trembles,
It instigates art.

The glow of the stars
Will pale when compared
To anything given;
A happiness shared.

Through the Door

At times I wonder if I'll ever just
be okay.
Will there come a day I'll be able to
wake unafraid?
Some days I'm scared to just walk
through the door.
Something's burning inside me I
cannot ignore.

My bones do not ache.
My heart is not weak.
My blood's not impure.
Just can't walk
  through the door.

The world outside scares me,
I have to admit.
There's evil in people -
There's wickedness; sin.

Any step taken forward
is riddled with knots.
Sometimes survival seems
to be a long shot.

But stand up and walk through
every day I must do.
Don the customary mask -
hide my face when I'm blue.

Embrace this dark world,
remember it's grace.
Remember that evil
lurks not behind every face.

The sun always peeks out
on the tail of a storm,
creating a rainbow
that helps me walk
  through the door.

Chapter Two: A Whole Life

Goodbye to childhood,
To the pain in the past.
Farewell to anyone,
Who's e'er put me in last.

Goodbye to lost love,
To a tide of regrets.
So long to anything,
That's e'er caused stress.

Hello to today,
Tomorrow, next year.
Goodbye to anything,
That's e'er made me feel fear.

Hello to progress,
To moving forward in life.
I Welcome the future,
It shines oh, so bright.

With arms open wide,
I'll continue my growth.
The whole me is ready,
I've given my oath.


Background:

I wrote this on my 24th birthday, my golden birthday.  On that day, I burned a tree that my dad planted for me in our backyard when I was born.  It had gotten sick, and was rotting, so he cut it down and saved it for me.  It had been cut down for at least a year before he gave it to me.  It took me a little while to decide what to do with it.  I could have just burned it on a camping trip.  I decided, however, to burn it on my birthday this year as a symbol of my recently realized adulthood.

I took the time before burning it to chop it into smaller pieces with an axe, so it would fit into a fireplace.  It was extremely important to me that I went through this whole process myself, letting out my anger at the trauma I experienced in my youth.  This is the first year that I feel truly whole as a person, and able to tackle life with my head held high, unhindered by the anxiety and depression I struggled to conquer for more than a decade.

So here is a poem in dedication to my "baby tree," which I burned in the company of one of the most important people in my life, on a night I've chosen to symbolize the next chapter of my life.  Here's to moving forward, growing up, and leaving behind old wounds.

Do The Time

I hope one day to more than glimpse,

A moment of tingling fingertips.

A heart that beats in rhyme with mine,

A drum that shifts the sands of time.

Some chord with perfect melody,

A spirit to run free with me,

To grasp the tendrils of my flame,

To make me feel almost insane.

A force to defy common sense,

To break down any stupid fence.

That makes me want to shout with awe,

And leaves me feeling more than raw.

I want someone to do the time,

Resulting from our perfect crime.

Today

I wanted to be mad today,
Before I passed the door.
But I can't find a way to stay,
Pissed off anymore.

I wanted to be dark today,
Keep the sun in shroud.
Grow the balls to smack your face,
But I don't see a cloud.

I wanted to be sad today,
Cry away your memory.
But something happened that's insane:
Your face I no longer see.

I wanted to scream loud today,
Show the world you're wrong.
Show you there's a price to pay,
For doing someone harm.

I realized something strong today:
For once I think you're gone.
I can no longer see your face,
So now I can move on.

The Rain

It's nice to sit out in the rain -
Some people say it's cold.
I let it wash away my pain,
So I can focus on my goals.
It's petrichor reminds me: be alive -
Pay attention to the world.
See all there is for which to strive;
There is so much more than gold.
I don't care too much for shiny things,
They dim the brilliance of the day.
I'd rather listen to a giggling stream,
Than go somewhere and pay.
Give me the high of Mary Jane,
And a kiss to get me through.
No days we have are all the same,
Today I'll sit in the rain and stew.

The Silence of Us

I was inspired by the silence of us.
The simplicity - so little can hold so much.
That moment you held me in your arms,
I was bullet proof - the world could do no harm.
In that quiet I released so much tension.
It had all built up through repression.
We never confronted, together, all of our fears.
They separated us like a line of spears.
Let's pull these spears out of the ground,
Open our eyes and look around.
What can we do to escape this desert?
Save our love - the ultimate treasure.

Glass Beads

Life is a bunch of random moments,
Strung together like glass beads.
How do you remember them?
Can you hear them sing?
Have you ever had that moment:
One falls - shatters on the ground?
How long till you recover?
Can the missing pieces all be found?
Each one's a different color
Sometimes a different shape.
Do they glitter in the sun?
How many are opaque?
Can you see right through them,
To the other side?
Or do you have to sift through sands,
Behind the doors of time?
Will they all fit in your hand,
Or overflow a dish?
When you look back at these moments,
In your soul, do you feel rich?

Shake It Off

Sometimes you just have to shake it off,
Drop everything to the floor.
Lose the world and feel again,
Let your heart be a wide open door.

Take a deep breath and spread your arms,
Kiss all your worries away.
Plant your feet and ground yourself,
Forget you were ever afraid.

Wrap yourself in a blanket of sky,
See all the good that's in store.
Lose your shields, hold your head high -
There's so much left in life to explore.

Just ask yourself, "What do I want?"
Please don't be afraid to say.
What is it that your heart desires?
Fulfill it despite any rain.

Without You

I'm sitting on this porch
     Without you.
I'm watching the orange
     Take over the blue.
Before long it will be too late
     No escape.
There's no surrender now
     Forget it.
Then it was now or never
     Gone like a feather.
I've tasted the freedom now
     Can't you see?
The only thing I need
     Is me.
I've got my own back
     Without you.
I'm letting the happy
     Take over the blue.

Before

She runs till she can run no more,
Arms wide to take life in.
She sees what she did not before -
Some things just cannot break her skin.

She'll raise her eyes up to the sky,
Forget all of this pain.
Open her soul and fly up high -
She knows she will find love again.

She can't see what the future holds,
But fear she does not feel.
She laughs at lies that she's been told -
Emotion makes her strong as steel.

Her heart is strong deep in its core,
Right now its walls are weak.
She sees what she did not before -
For strength, all she must do is speak.