the night

hollow, empty, are your eyes
I barely feel you by my side
solid mass touches right there
though I can't tell if you still care
my heart is shattered in my ribs
pale and frozen are my lips
as words echo, still, silently
begging you to please show me:
kiss me, kiss me, like you did
when we first met, so passionate
that tender touch I miss so much
it made me shiver, made me flushed
what I want right now is you inside
to make me deaf and make me blind
overflow me with your love
remind me that I am enough
before you lose me to the night
which will wrap me up, holding me tight
I won't be warm but I will know
at least I love myself, alone.

Inferno

I painted this several months ago and just remembered its existence. Might play some more with elemental themes.

Contrast

I painted this out of frustration. It was fun to play with some colors. More to come!

back into the cave

I feel like I'm done trying
I just keep being ignored
It's obvious my feelings aren't
important at the core
I feel alone, so lost, unloved
forgotten, abandoned, left to rust
and how could when you said you love me
throw me out like rotten meat
at least give me an explanation
instead of hollow empty words
I barely hear a thing from you
so what the fuck am I supposed to do?
all I want's to scream at you
to elicit some response
but maybe saying nothing
is the only way to voice
that really I am wounded
and I can barely muster strength to speak
a whisper I can't fathom
my roar would be a squeak
I'm broken down, defeated
the heart must call retreat
so back into the cave I go
where I will fester on my own.

peace?

the clenching of my teeth has
made a pressure in my skull and
the endless time spent worrying of
things I cannot comprehend
has put a cold rock in my ribs
the heaviness, it weighs on me and
permeates my soul
it makes me feel like vomiting
my actions aren't controlled
my brain tingles and screams at me
my fingers are but heavy meat
I'm sure my face is red with woe
because paranoia plagues me so I
spin on downwards endlessly
the torrent battering my eyes
howling wind sucks out my breath
so no longer can I scream
my words, it's certain, are not heard
by anyone but me
and it's absolutely certain that
my heart just will not mend from this
so what to do but take steps back
escape from this unending trap
which only rubs and makes me raw and
makes me feel unsafe, alone
perhaps my head will just explode -
maybe then my peace will come.

promise

The words I mean to leave my lips
are always jumbled, always missed
and every time I try to speak
the sounds come out so wrong it seems
that though I want to lift you up
I only make bad things erupt so
I want you just to know I care
and that I know you're lost somewhere
deep inside a foggy brain
I hope you know you're worth something
you're worth the world and more, I swear
the stars and galaxy are paled
by everything that shines in you the
force is greater than the moon's,
and though you may not feel it now
my heart is open to your hand and
I by your side, promise to stay
even on the worst of days
I'll be here, strong, with open arms
to welcome you in from the storm from
which my Nest, you've held me close
so please, let me return that hope.

meteor storms

When I look down at your face I
get this sense of loneliness
eyes are closed, breathing paced
right beside me with such distance, you
lay beside me, touch me, warm
but I can't feel your energy
and in my eyes there is a storm
held back only with a bravery, which
threatens to erase, incinerate
anything that dares come near
this tempest comes and goes in waves
bursting, thirsting, full of fear, but
as I look on through the gale
a trailing glimmer lights the sky
the squall is now so strongly paled
by memories of hearts on high, and
though a scar has been undug
I know your hands, their healing touch;
tenderly the ache is calmed
as I remember: we are us, who
couldn't help but fall in love
when climbing, conquering our mountains
we have touched the stars above
as they connected Earth to Heaven.

momentum

"I'm going somewhere," she says,
voice strong, definitive.
"Of this one thing I'm certain:
my path is for the best."
Momentum keeps her going
lifting her to flight.
Behind her, the cold morning,
ahead her, arms of night.
Her voice so clear, it echoes
across unmapped terrain.
This path before once frozen,
now clean and left unstained.
All failures have been learned from
though the future's left unknown.
Tomorrow she'll be fighting,
quickly abandoning her foes.
Each day is full of meaning
of some knowledge new to gain.
Her mind stretches its borders;
she dances through the rain.
Shouting her excitement,
she jumps up, spreads her arms.
Though once her heart was rotting,
now conviction is the storm.

Sadness

like clockwork, here it comes again
hello there, Sadness, my old friend
I've tried to ditch you in the past
but time and again you come on back
to torment me with heavy heart
to slowly rip my world apart
I'm certain now you're a disease
one that I can merely treat
each time I try to vanquish you
for a time I can find solitude
but soon again I cross your path
and Sadness, you disturb my grasp
on reality, which fades away
leaves me feeling so afraid
that I'll lose my tenuous hold
on what is left of my blurry world
I sink on down into the deep
forgetting what it is to breathe
and blind, I struggle for an edge
a crag to place my foot against
time stands still while I search
sure that I will not emerge
unharmed, unbroken, or alive
with anything for which to strive
and so I'll leave me for the wolves
alone while Sadness pounds my skull

can't

can't see
can't breathe
can't hear
can't feel
anything but the weight
which keeps me crushed here
beneath a burdensome dark marr
endless darkness, never stars
a tremor thumps, pounds in my chest
echoes, bounces, wraps me up
struggle, perilous pursuit
and now apocalyptic truths
hold me down and block my sight
leave a terror deep inside
fists strike out, punches thrown
but still I cannot feel the sun
frozen tundra, ice cold wind
try to trap me deep within
fighting back, attempt escape
break free of this grizzly cage
just when drowning's imminent
the surface breaks, allows a breath
and clawing upward, kicking down
abandon old and tarnished crown
which rested once upon the head
of my shadowed, plague-filled bed
sky light beckons, soft and sweet
easing lingering misery
gently brushes off dank dirt
offers a much needed cure
a respite from the weight of war
a nest! protection from all harm
safe now, bolstered energy
gives the voice power to sing
a way to manifest my dreams
and faced now with this certainty:
I can see
I can breathe
I can hear
I can feel

I can live.

distressed

I feel weak, I feel strung out
can barely muster strength to shout
although that's what I want to do
it won't fix this case of blues
pull the pieces back together
shove them, stick them, make them better
eat some chocolate, drink some wine
the pain will ease with pass of time
my heart aches deep inside my chest
it signifies a deep distress
the next step here is: LET IT OUT
break down walls and scream and shout
cry and thrash and break some things
turn up the music loud and sing
belt it till my voice goes hoarse
let this panic run it's course
write something, or paint, or run
make it match beat of my drum
the drum that pounds inside my chest
the one that tells me: I'm distressed!
I keep on searching for a cure
something to make my heart less sore
a laugh, a smile, brings respite
reminds me there's end to the night
so if I just keep pushing through
eventually, there'll be no blue
to hold me down and back me up
instead good things will fill my cup
and from within this sad cocoon
a strong, sweet soul will surely bloom.

my nest

my nest, it keeps me safe and warm
and even in the worst of storms
inside it's walls I feel at ease
hurricanes become soft breeze
I know for sure it's safe to say
that come rainy or sunny days
I'll always have a place to go
to rest and heal my weary soul
so I can stretch my wings again
feel them push against the wind
and though I love to see the sky
back to my nest I'll always fly.

more

I know not why some men do think
female only means the color pink.
There's nothing more to her than bows,
and for you is her choice of clothes.
Anything inside her brain,
because she's female, is insane.
Her opinions, silly, go unheard,
make her wonder, "am I absurd?"
Strength, once, power filled her heart,
now forgotten, dwindle in the dark.
Of course she knows not what she wants,
female, without man, is lost.
No recognition rots her core,
makes her forget she can do more
More
     than pretty, sweet, dear things
More 
     than shuttering her wings
More
     than soft, silent, demure
More
     than begging at your door
More
     than seeking approval
More
     than worth your betrothal
More
     than just your property
More
     which starts her heart to sing
Her symphony one day will rise,
within her chorus you'll realize:
ignoring her was a mistake,
now left behind, you're in her wake.
Her fire was easily sparked -
naturally, her light shone far.
The glow kindled her fantasies,
helped her navigate rough seas.
Mere glimpse of what there is to hold,
whetted her thirst to see the world.
Now she simply cannot stop
reaching, working, for her cause.
For once she found she was a star,
she woke up, moved on, reached for more.

at a loss

What the fuck am I supposed to do?
It's obvious - there's something wrong.
And I don't even have a clue where to
begin to turn your night to dawn.
What the fuck am I supposed to do,
when constantly, there's no response?
I try and try to reach for you,
but I'm just a ghost that haunts.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
I don't want to overwhelm.
If there's something that you're going through
Please tell me, I can help!
What the fuck am I supposed to do
when the one I love's so blue?
I want to just be here for you,
to start your heart beating anew.

another day

Something I've discovered,
is that life will be okay.
No matter what the circumstance,
there'll come another day.
A day to tackle mountains,
to see the whole world shine
A day to conquer oceans,
and to wash away the brine.
The stars will shine forever,
a new world always turns.
The sun peeks up at morning,
waves, by the moon, are stirred.
There will be beginning,
each time there comes an end.
Flowers, each spring, blossom,
after winter's frosty hand.
Life is full of learning,
and of mistakes to be made.
But all these things are worth it -
open minds, they relish change.

doors, time, and distance

A white
                ghost
hangs
at the end of my bed
keeps reminding me of
things left
                unsaid
the satin,
                wrinkled
winks at me
at times brings back
fond
                memories
those times we looked
up at the stars
those days we thought
the world was
                ours
certain we were of
our uncertain fates
were so damn
                blind
to unworkable traits
the factors that
one day would lead
us to realize
we could not
                be
some things cannot
be overcome
cannot disappear with
soap and tongues
no measure could
try to
                repair
sometimes I wonder:
was there anything there?
of course there was
I know for sure
                it's just
time and distance
                closed

                our

                door

something profound

SOMETHING causes me to feel this way:
I think you've got strong things to say.
Why don't those words just leave your lips?
Please spit it out, I'll man my ship.
There must be something on your mind.
Why is it that I feel so blind?
Blind to your thoughts, your feels, your wants...
Just say something, I need response!
Maybe out of fear I look too deep -
I try too hard to find something.
Something that will make me sting,
will make me want to break my stuff,
make me feel I am enough,
enough for you to stick around,
for you to want to make a sound.
I cannot be the only one,
to step up, openly confront,
the feelings that I have toward this,
this never-ending deep abyss.
A rock must in time stop it's fall.
At this thought, I feel appalled.
Can I accept good energy?
Why can't I realize my old dreams?
Something inside holds me back.
It wraps me tight, keeps me entrapped.
Why must "trap" even be a part,
Of anything inside my heart?
It cannot, should not, will not be!
I must let this go with certainty,
Or capture it and break it down,
Rip it up and stomp around.
Pull it open, dig it out,
distill it down to end this drought,
before I ruin what's been found;
lose something I hold profound.

Stewing

Sometimes I don't know why
I feel as empty as I do
All the people whom I love
Slowly vanish while I stew

My mind inside feels hollow
Frozen eyes deep sunken holes
My ears are stuffed with cotton
Broken, fractured, is my skull

Tears rain down, so dormant
Barely dare to leave a mark
Endless darkness grips and reaches
Begging warmth from fire's spark

Silence rings fatally loud
The echo of a death is heard
There dances in the shadows now
A sullen beast, a hand with sword

Whispers grow, old voices rise
Unheard words destroy all quiet
Screeching mouths, filled with doubt
Slurs initiate a riot

The banging clanging crowd turns mob
What peace was left now gone
Destruction seekers stomp and crush
Any semblance of a god

A confrontation breaks apart
The rough and rowdy fight
Directly from the center bursts
An angry glowing light

Righteousness and justice shine
Against guilty faces hid with hand
The only thing these scoundrels hear
Is death's ultimate command

Submersion

Submerge yourself, immerse yourself.
Cut out all the noise.
Extract yourself, distract yourself.
Forget your tiny size.
Take a deep breath, breathe again.
Feel your heart beat in your chest.
Touch the ground beneath your feet.
Close your eyes and take this test.
Focus - deep down, bring it out.
Grasp it, pull it, tear it up.
What has brought you to this point?
What is there yet to come?
Look to the deep inside yourself.
Do not let you run from this.
Something's in there, something dark.
It grows beneath the surface.
What is it, this murky beast?
This thing defies attention.
It is gross and wrong and foul.
This will take more than reflection.
A war is coming, battling fear.
Prepare abundantly.
The psyche will take mighty blows.
Strikes to the ego there will ring.
Blood upon this shall be spilled.
Loss will come, intense.
There's only one thing left to do:
Let down all defense.

steel

3/10/15

"Love doesn't exist," she said,
heart shrouded, and stained.
He looked into her eyes, asked,
"Why are you afraid?"
No answer from her lips;
she's frozen, can't stand.
Strings move her toward something,
knows not what's in hand.
Drowning in memories
that seem best left forgot,
sometimes she wishes
she could jump off the dock.
She fumbles and bumbles,
doesn't know why she strives.
Her heart keeps on bleeding
welling up deep inside.
Will someone come fix her?
Drag her toward the shore?
It's certain she'll have to
let the tide clean her sores.
He's standing right there
screaming out, "Help is here!"
But she's deaf to his efforts;
she's too riddled with fear.
There are some things that
time cannot begin to heal;
the damage, the suffering
cover her heart in thick steel.
Only time can begin
to even think to erase,
to close up those old wounds,
restore heart with grace.

I know, I know I know.

Lately I feel this sense of loss;
I question by what it has been caused.

A strange emptiness is in my chest,
it leaves me feeling lost, and stressed.
Those I know, I know I know,
seem lost within some undertow.

This sense of distance pervades my sight,
leaves me feeling confused and blind.
I know, I know I know their face,
for I can smell them, I can taste.

Some hollow feeling fills me through,
and leaves my heart rusty and blue.
I know, I know I know their heart,
upon my soul it should be scarred.

But something keeps me from reaching out,
from knowing exactly whom I am without.

building blocks

There's been something missing from
the words I mean to leave my tongue.
I can't say what I mean to say;
perhaps it's 'cause I am afraid.
Afraid of what, I am not sure.
That's something that I must explore:
Fear of rejection? Fear of loss?
Worry that I'll just be tossed?
Unsure of whether I'll be heard,
or maybe that I'll make you bored.
Logically I know that's false,
but in my head there is a brawl
between the conscious and the Id;
that primitive piece I hold within.
When I sit down just to think,
I know I must connect these things,
to find an answer, find some truth!
Really, what is there to lose?
The only thing I have's to grow,
find within myself what's still unknown.
The building blocks that make me whole,
I'll stack patiently, each one by one.

Roots

I want to lay awake outside
naked
in the rain.

Let the cool ticks of water
occupy my brain.

Something strange within me
stirs
deep in the psyche.

A question of unending trust;
a shimmer in a dream.

A brisk and cleansing rush
consumes
that which would impose.

Interpretation is the flaw
shrouding lovers' prose.

A strike of light illuminates
exposes
what's unknown.

Thunder crashes in the heart
a hollow, empty drum.

A storm cannot awaken
longing
of something gone unmissed.

Roots must first be firmly placed
to benefit this tryst.

Baltimore

She left her heart in Baltimore.
The raven screamed out, Nevermore!
The future came rapping at her door,
As she searched for something more.

The grace of seraphim lit her eyes,
Came bounding towards those lonely cries,
Lifted her up toward blessed skies -
Saved her ship; it would not capsize.

This sea breeze set her soul to flame,
Carried her throughout long days.
Supported wings with endless praise,
And eased her into skies once gray.

This strong and powerful wind blew,
Left her heart beating anew.
Reminded her of what is true:
Love mans this ship - an astute crew.

Resuscitate Me

Stab a pitchfork through my heart!
Just don't let it fall apart.
Hurry up and reinflate,
Need somehow to resuscitate.
Get the blood flowing again,
Make it pump with a strong hand.
Solid's all you have to be,
Not a distant memory,
Stuck up deep inside my brain.
I try to hide away my pain,
The hurt, the sadness keeps me tough,
Reminds me of old nasty stuff.
Anything I feel right now,
Is nothing close to having drowned,
Deep within the storm wrought sea -
But I'll risk the possibility,
If it keeps me digging by the shore,
For the treasure, for the cure.

Brilliant Sun

I see the good in everyone.
But there's something about you,
Brilliant Sun.
You make my heart feel light, at ease.
These long days pass like a warm
summer breeze.
Kiss of your lips is intense -
powerful ocean captures, leaves me
happily drenched.
Folded in your strong, calm arms,
I know sure as the sunrise I'll stay
safe, unharmed.
Those eyes, deep and honest, draw me in.
Dazzling blue leaves me breathless, lost
on a whim.
You evoke that within me I cannot undo.
Why is it so damn hard just to say:
I love you!

Between Clouds

Floating in between the clouds
What goes up some day comes down
For time it feels like the right place
Held within a warm embrace
Now heartache echos, dull and hard
Leaving tremors - never scars.
A breeze could set the soul to sail
Directed by the threat of hell
Come back now to familiarity
A hand squeeze tells of certainty
And each day spent is bittersweet
The love, the laughs, the fulfilled dreams
Reaching, searching, for a cure
Something that will mend the hurt
That comes each time we must depart
From soft sweet hands and loving words -
You're worth the sorrowful, bruised heart.

Crushed

Such a long day,
And I'm red in the face.
But when I see you, babe,
With a smile I'm graced.
I've missed you so much,
When I feel this rush,
Can't help but be crushed,
By the love between us.
Those arms are so safe,
You're my place to escape,
When life just seems fake,
And I feel a disgrace.
When my plane lands,
And I rush to your hands,
Your kiss is intense -
Mister, you're my man.
So hard to walk away each time
But I know you are still mine
The days we have are prime -
For you, I'll walk the line.

pure gold

It's so easy, at times,
to get lost in your lips.
It feels like pure gold to
surrender to this.
So deeply, you keep me,
entranced with that tongue -
the touch of your fingers
evokes a new song.
This melody stirs me,
arouses the soul,
traps breath in my chest,
fills up that old hole.
Each day, I'm reminded
of something that's true:
my heart will not slow down;
it beats 'cause of you.

Solitude

Insecurity, it rises quick.
It clings on with a heavy grip.
Those claws will not just let you go;
they pull you in and scare you so.
What if I messed up something fierce?
What if I've caused a great eclipse?
Something here feels so un-right -
I'm scared I've gone and lost the light.
Left in wonder, mind is scared
of what could be that caused a tear.
But what if it is just made up,
and from the past it did erupt?
The mind is now simply confused,
ponders what there is to lose.
Perhaps there is a way to choose...
Maybe this just takes solitude.

worth something

There's something I must confess:
my heart is too big for my chest.
Constantly, it overflows and
traps me in it's undertow.
A rush, a fluster, pulls me down;
sometimes makes me think I'll drown,
leaves me gasping, reaching out,
for something stable, safe, and sound.
How can this all just be contained?
It's not that easy, staying sane
among the blurred and faded lines
that move along with pass of time.
A happy chord, a note is struck,
brightens the soul and lifts me up.
And still, ascension is intense;
much stronger than any recompense
that could be offered for the pain
my heart endures on frightful days.
The deepest crevice lightens up!
Warmth and laughter fill my cup.
They dare to pull me to the sky;
lost in the wind like a severed kite,
within the glow that somehow sings,
and makes the cycle worth something.

straight to the skull

It hits just like a bowling ball
A hundred pounds straight to the skull
Such force could bring a god to knees
But touches soft like a warm breeze
This touch may burn into a flame
Which blazes on for countless days
And keeps a wand'ring soul enmeshed
The closest thing it knows to rest
This cradle dissolves all old fears
Sinks them at end of the pier
Drowns them, leaves them for the dogs
Forgets the names they had been called
A future filled with sights to see
Entrancing, it's sweet melody
Blind eyes are opened to the sun
A world is realized; life's begun.

an unsettling trend

What the fuck is going on?
What the hell is all this noise?
I feel as if I've been discarded
into a pile of old, unwanted toys.
I just don't see why it is I'm being
booted off the island again -
this is turning very quickly into
a quite unsettling trend.
I'm tired of being scolded.
I'm tired of hearing threats.
I don't know how to feel now that
you've actually followed through with it.
I'd like to cry, or scream, or stomp,
but there's a hollowness in my chest,
and despite how hard I may try,
no emotion can be expressed.

Things click

It is such a wonder how
things just sometimes click.
Along comes a special person
who fits in the right niche.
They fall right in, so steady,
so strong and full of light.
Their beacon shines right at you
pierces your deep, dark night.
A prevailing sense of rightness
illuminates the path.
Warmth and grace and kindness
muffle the distant past.
A sensation that is natural
deep within the bones is felt.
A whisper of the conscience
allows the soul to melt
right into something perfect
which cannot be withheld.

Blurred Colors

It's amazing how much time new
lovers spend awake in bed,
counting every moment as a
precious grain of sand.
Whispers and soft chuckles and
the world becomes less clear.
Colors blur when feelings stir;
the heart does not feel fear.
Deep pull of something tidal,
perhaps the psyche sees -
the shifting of a paradigm,
a subtle, sweet, warm breeze.

Each kiss could last for hours,

one glimpse for many days.

What wonder in a lover's voice;

such beauty in their gaze.

Walls, so quickly, they come down,

as vulnerability drifts away.

Touch of a hand can make the worst

of bad days far less gray. 

Embrace could level mountains;
could make the whole world shake.
Invincible, love makes us feel-
a quest worth every stake.

Spoons

I am so unbelievably sorry
I forgot your long spoon.
What a terrible thing
For a server to do!
Among seven tables
Holding a full 32,
I just cannot believe
I forgot your damned spoon.
Between ranches and sodas,
All the things I must do.
All the napkins and silver,
And the screaming kids, too.
Several times past your table
I made eye contact with you.
At no time did you flag me,
And ask for a spoon.
When I stopped and asked,
"What else can I do?"
The frowns and raised eyebrows;
"Where is my spoon?"
"I'm so sorry, I'll get it!"
To my station I flew.
Returned in a jiffy,
"I'm so sorry, your spoon!"
Condescending frowns again,
No response from you brutes.
And then, when you cashed out,
The things left were two:
Exact change plus a penny.
You can choke on your spoon.

Fuck you.

Old Strings

I feel it fluttering deep inside -
Whatever it is just seems to hide.
There is no glimmer in your eyes;
I wonder if they'd even cry.

I cannot read you, cannot see,
Inside your deep, dark mystery.
I feel a move could make you flee!
Why risk the possibility?

Why is it that you drown in fear,
Of keeping any person near?
Have you even leaked a tear,
To mourn the one you've missed for years?

There's nothing I can do for you.
You must be the one to seek the truth,
To find old strings you must set loose,
And then forward, you can move.

To Run

Run.
Run, and run, and run;
don't stop.
Do your best to
just get lost.
Forget today,
tomorrow, next year.
Leave behind that
which has caused fear.
Dive right in the
deep dark sea.
Leave behind any
saddening memory.
Scream so loud
your throat goes raw.
Make that found
be full of awe.
The skies are open
ever endlessly.
Find what you seek
and make it sing.
The best things follow
that which takes work.
Push so hard
your face will smirk.
Push til it takes -
question, confront.
But last of all,
remember most:
it's always best
to run.

Which Side?

There's a tug and pull from
Two different sides.
Between such opposites,
I feel deep a fright.

The feminine, the sexy,
The pure, the chaste one,
The power, the pulsing;
To which side do I run?

Do I be who I am,
Risk some kind of scorn?
Or hide my true side,
Leave it forever unknown?

At the same time I'm not just
Some pretty, sweet little thing;
A toy here to play with,
To pull 'round on a chain.

I want some connection,
To come with intimacy,
To feed into my core,
And lift up my whole being.

There must be something between
Life long and just friends.
I must find that balance,
So my life's not pretend.

There Must

There must be a light at
The end of this tunnel.
There must be.
There must.

It's coming, it must be;
It's always shown up.
The light comes and swallows,
Those feelings of loss.

It's just, while I'm in there,
I can't feel the walls.
Even running forever
Won't shake off the rust.

My voice only echoes.
It bounces, it rings,
It skitters and dulls out;
My only response.

The silence is deadly,
It weighs like a rock.
No words can complete me,
They're covered in frost.

And just when I think
There's no end to this game,
The bright light, it blinds me,
Restores all my trust.

For by end it all works out;
There's always resolve.
There must be.
There must.

The Only Thing

Tumbling, falling, crashing down
The only thing that's left's to drown
Gasping, choking, losing breath
Yearning for something less intense
A deep and dark and deadly sea
Filled with dangers unforseen
Clawing, grasping, reaching out
This feeling can be done without
Crushing pressure, breaking bones
Losing track of what's unknown
Blind and lost, full of despair
Struggle to leave the demon's lair
Slicing, ripping, tearing skin
Tries to reach the heart within
Burning, searing, blistering, scorched
Breaks the soul with so much force
Body's frozen, cannot move
The only thing that's left's to lose.

My heart

My hopes, my goals, my dreams, my future.
My fear, my strength, my sadness - joy.
My love, my wants, my apprehension;
My heart.

My heart.

Walls tower upwards, do not crumble,
Left no gap; eyes cannot see.
Fingers bloody, they do tremble,
Cannot break with certainty.

No end in sight means constant battle -
Ears echo with unending screams.
Nothing here is ever subtle,
Held tight in a different plane.

Bloodshot eyes are filled with fury,
Groping, gripping, for a cure.
Tear these walls down please, and hurry!
Or forever, surely, they'll endure.

Fairy Tales

I want to be appreciated for
Things I appreciate about myself.
Please don't contradict me
Or try to stow me on a shelf.
I want those who see within me
To see what I see within myself.
If I'm stronger than you think I am
You're missing something else.
I want a gentle lover 'cause
I am so gentle with myself.
Someone who understands my heart

And leaves nothing left withheld.

I want a heart that burns white hot

Dances fire and fire with myself.

An ember blazing in the dark

That just will not be dispelled.

I want soft lips to match the way

Soft words echo from myself.

Words so deep and true and honest

Any doubts are chased with stealth.

But most of all I want someone to realize

The dreams I have for my future self.

To grasp my hand and run through time

Chase those stories, grasp those fairy tales.

Dust

You cut me out.
Ignored me.
Burned me.
Forgot me.

Now you show up at
my place of work...
Expecting what?
I don't give a fuck.

Sure, tell me what you "think" of me.
I'm awesome, intelligent, pretty, brilliant.
You can fuck yourself with that flattery.
You can't sell me a product I don't want.

Things ended for a reason
You can bet there's not a season
For anything to come to pass
Between us, nothing can last.

You're gone like dust
Just please now,
Suck it up;
Leave me be.

Nothing between you and I can be.

Do you suppose she's a wildflower?

Find me on Deviantart!

This is a quote from Lewis Carroll's Alice in Wonderland.

I just adored this quote, and was inspired by it.

Burn Me

Burn me, turn me into dust
Obliterate that which made us us
Crush the pieces, leave no hint
Of good things that were found within
Why does the end just have to be
Denial of any sweet memory
As if no fallen piece prevails
Against the wall that made us fail
In retrospect there was no bad
That should leave us feeling more than sad
At losing what just could not be
Can't we at least keep fond memories?

No Goodbyes

An empty hole deep down in chest
A heart with memory repressed
Opens for something more to see
To hear a perfect melody
Song echoes through the empty halls
It rips, it tears, it breaks through walls
A scream that trembles with the shame
Of having lost life's strongest game

It tramples rubble left uncleared
Dashes away remnants of fears
Moisture builds to drench a spark
Before it's even left its mark
It catches, defies common sense
Leaves enemy bodies deep entrenched
Walks away with nose tipped high
And doesn't bother with goodbyes -
                      Silence; now a peaceful sky.

Sunshine

Addiction
feeling of dancing
just under skin
Whispers
fingers reach, grasp
shadows fissure
Stronger
eyes flutter to open
heart again stirs
Powerful
the grip of emotion
raw, no control
Richness
growth of the soul
in memory impressed
Passion
depth with no bottom
to lose one's self in
Fallen
but quick rising
will blossom again
Sunshine
rays caress, warm
old restraint unbinds

Slumber

Sleep's strong arms encircle me
Softly kiss thick eyelids closed
Shut those eyes and try to see
A part within that's unexposed

Battles fought on unseen plane
Over lost time untaken back
Smooth away edges of day
Discover what's still intact

Slumber settles turmoil inside
Brings tomorrow to fight again
Tears now dried that have been cried
Gain control of an unending spin

Refresh the mind and one will find
A thing that's bright and new
Reach out for the other side
Find that which is long overdue

Allure

I feel it welling up inside me,
What it is I'm still not sure,
One thing is for certain, though:
Before me stands an open door.
Bright light passes through it,
Illuminates something more,
Pulls me strongly toward it,
Promises it will endure.
Something crashes like the waves,
On a lonely, sandy shore,
Churning up the tide's last dump,
Leaving something shining pure.
A glimmer on a rainy day,
It makes my heart dance; stir,
A ripple across a shady pond,
There's a particular allure.
That something's reaching out to me,
And although it's a bit obscure,
I'll grasp the tendrils of that light,
Walk through that open door.

Emotional Drug

I feel this running through my veins
Emotions: passion, anger,
Happiness, courage, pain
Can't give it up, I will not hide
From grasp of fear
Touch of darkest night
To feel is what I live for
To cry, to laugh, to love
To close self off from that
The worst type of hard drug
Won't try to hide from this
I'll conquer each new day
Even if my spirit falls
I'll jump back in the fray
The best type of battles
Are the ones that hurt to fight
Ones that make one question
If there's any sanity inside
Willingly I put self out there
Knowing likely I'll be hurt
But gladly I'll take the consequence
To experience so much worth.

Scars

Everyone's got scars
It's part of who we are
We're all broken up inside
Need someone to confide
Someone to hold our hand
A person to comprehend
To help us through the fight
Implore to see the light
When all we see is loss
Someone to scrape the frost
Away from frozen heart
Remember who you are
When life becomes so dim
Threatens to break through skin
A hand to make you tough
Scrub off all the rust
Ignite and spark the flame
It burns within a dream
A jewel for which to grasp
So much more than brass
A thing which fits no mold
Is waiting to unfold
If you take a hand
Life can only just expand

Something

There's something about that energy
It threatens to overtake -
      captivate, rapture me
Set my mind free.

It's something about you
I cannot ignore; it's warm
That which your presence exudes
Brings light to a storm.

I see something positive -
      bright, exciting, real
A force that gives me such relief
Sense of an honest soul.

Something says to me you understand
That you are a gentle man
Who'll charmingly take my breath away
Even in a world so damned.

Heavy Clouds

It fucking hurts when I leave you
You have my heart and now it's blue
It's hard to be so far away
At times I just want to see your face

I hate so much that we can't touch
The distance makes this love so rough
I want to have you at my side
Hold my hand and we can fly

I feel like I'm just floating now
The air feels like a heavy cloud
It weighs so hard upon my chest
I can't breathe - I feel depressed

I want to scream to break the hold
To smash the angst shrouding my soul
To find a way to let this pain go
Is there a way I can feel whole?

I wonder if in a different life
We could've had a better try
There is no way we'll ever know
Wondering only digs a deeper hole

So take what we get is the route
We have to take or risk to lose
The greatest thing hearts comprehend
I won't give up your steady hand

Certainty

The highest high
Comes crashing low
Sweeping froth
Runs to and fro
Washing away
Sweet memory
Making heard
What goes unseen
Erodes away
All certainty
Makes one grasp
For happy dreams
A current rife
With bitterness
The screaming wind
Full of regret
This force will not
Just go away
Gnashing waves
Are full of hate
Digging claws
Rip and tear
A thing which is
Not even there
Fingers grasp
So desperately
Reaching for
A place to sing
Space to spread out
A giggling stream
A current soft
With happy things
A place to rest
To heal the wounds
Left behind by
Pull of the moon
Gravity's sway
Tapers off
Leaving space
For higher thought
A buoyed line
A sign of hope
There's always time
Grasp that rope
Escape the current
Fight it off
Make it worth
Time now lost
Sun will shine
Glitter on sea
Brighten the day
Brings certainty

Coincidence

Coincidence
A funny thing
Coincidence
Don't mean a thing

A river's crossing
A spark of flame
A lightning strike
They're all the same

The only difference:
Opportunity.
Ignore coincidence
Or find the key

A chance is out there
Just open your eyes
Grasp that thread
Won't know til tried

Life: an ever-changing
Whirlwind of days
Don't try to control it
Get out of it's way

Take the chance
Ride the stream
Mold coincidence
Fondest of dreams

Let It Go

Let it go
It's not for you
Let it go
Find something new

Shake it off
For something more
Move on past
This closed door

Break the glass
Fly through the pane
Outside the walls
Wide open plains

Sun on hills
Brings a promise
Something that
Leaves all astonished

Patience brings
New sights to see
A thing which sets
The fire free

Fortune

Waiting for something,
to jump out at me.
Break open the shadows -
set passion free.

Why isn't it coming?
I swear it's right there.
I can sense a bright light;
it's blinding my fear.

I feel it coming,
on the tip of my tongue.
Something is brewing:
the most beautiful song.

With patience I'm sure
my heart will not stop.
Knowing fortune, then something
will land in my lap.

Fuck You

Fuck you.
And fuck you.
And FUCK you,
and you too!

All of you fuckers
belong in a zoo.
Animals,
the lot of you.

You're reckless,
thoughtless,
unkind, and
plain rude.

All you sharks do,
is swim in shit
and make my cork
come unglued

Insensitive,
ungrateful,
greedy,
and lewd.

The only thing
you twats
deserve is to
be screwed.

Fuck you.

Make Me Feel Full

I cannot sleep,
My mind is full.
What keeps it up,
I do not know.
Some sadness grips me,
It won't let go.
It won't tell me it's secrets,
Won't let me feel whole.
I just want to reach out,
For what I'm not sure.
Can I just have something,
That makes me feel full?

Patience

I am mostly very patient
I am not that way with love
My heart is desperate to be spent
On spirit to fill my cup

I miss being held in someone's arms
The scent of bodies close
Forget existence of what does harm
No longer feel exposed

I just have too much passion
For my own damn good
I can't even imagine
Someone who understood

Perhaps one day I'll find a
Person who makes me stir
Someone who dances in my flame
A love that needs no lure

Patience now, I keep in mind
Move on past the present
With bright, wide open eyes
I'll persist in my resilience