something profound

SOMETHING causes me to feel this way:
I think you've got strong things to say.
Why don't those words just leave your lips?
Please spit it out, I'll man my ship.
There must be something on your mind.
Why is it that I feel so blind?
Blind to your thoughts, your feels, your wants...
Just say something, I need response!
Maybe out of fear I look too deep -
I try too hard to find something.
Something that will make me sting,
will make me want to break my stuff,
make me feel I am enough,
enough for you to stick around,
for you to want to make a sound.
I cannot be the only one,
to step up, openly confront,
the feelings that I have toward this,
this never-ending deep abyss.
A rock must in time stop it's fall.
At this thought, I feel appalled.
Can I accept good energy?
Why can't I realize my old dreams?
Something inside holds me back.
It wraps me tight, keeps me entrapped.
Why must "trap" even be a part,
Of anything inside my heart?
It cannot, should not, will not be!
I must let this go with certainty,
Or capture it and break it down,
Rip it up and stomp around.
Pull it open, dig it out,
distill it down to end this drought,
before I ruin what's been found;
lose something I hold profound.

Stewing

Sometimes I don't know why
I feel as empty as I do
All the people whom I love
Slowly vanish while I stew

My mind inside feels hollow
Frozen eyes deep sunken holes
My ears are stuffed with cotton
Broken, fractured, is my skull

Tears rain down, so dormant
Barely dare to leave a mark
Endless darkness grips and reaches
Begging warmth from fire's spark

Silence rings fatally loud
The echo of a death is heard
There dances in the shadows now
A sullen beast, a hand with sword

Whispers grow, old voices rise
Unheard words destroy all quiet
Screeching mouths, filled with doubt
Slurs initiate a riot

The banging clanging crowd turns mob
What peace was left now gone
Destruction seekers stomp and crush
Any semblance of a god

A confrontation breaks apart
The rough and rowdy fight
Directly from the center bursts
An angry glowing light

Righteousness and justice shine
Against guilty faces hid with hand
The only thing these scoundrels hear
Is death's ultimate command

Submersion

Submerge yourself, immerse yourself.
Cut out all the noise.
Extract yourself, distract yourself.
Forget your tiny size.
Take a deep breath, breathe again.
Feel your heart beat in your chest.
Touch the ground beneath your feet.
Close your eyes and take this test.
Focus - deep down, bring it out.
Grasp it, pull it, tear it up.
What has brought you to this point?
What is there yet to come?
Look to the deep inside yourself.
Do not let you run from this.
Something's in there, something dark.
It grows beneath the surface.
What is it, this murky beast?
This thing defies attention.
It is gross and wrong and foul.
This will take more than reflection.
A war is coming, battling fear.
Prepare abundantly.
The psyche will take mighty blows.
Strikes to the ego there will ring.
Blood upon this shall be spilled.
Loss will come, intense.
There's only one thing left to do:
Let down all defense.

steel

3/10/15

"Love doesn't exist," she said,
heart shrouded, and stained.
He looked into her eyes, asked,
"Why are you afraid?"
No answer from her lips;
she's frozen, can't stand.
Strings move her toward something,
knows not what's in hand.
Drowning in memories
that seem best left forgot,
sometimes she wishes
she could jump off the dock.
She fumbles and bumbles,
doesn't know why she strives.
Her heart keeps on bleeding
welling up deep inside.
Will someone come fix her?
Drag her toward the shore?
It's certain she'll have to
let the tide clean her sores.
He's standing right there
screaming out, "Help is here!"
But she's deaf to his efforts;
she's too riddled with fear.
There are some things that
time cannot begin to heal;
the damage, the suffering
cover her heart in thick steel.
Only time can begin
to even think to erase,
to close up those old wounds,
restore heart with grace.

I know, I know I know.

Lately I feel this sense of loss;
I question by what it has been caused.

A strange emptiness is in my chest,
it leaves me feeling lost, and stressed.
Those I know, I know I know,
seem lost within some undertow.

This sense of distance pervades my sight,
leaves me feeling confused and blind.
I know, I know I know their face,
for I can smell them, I can taste.

Some hollow feeling fills me through,
and leaves my heart rusty and blue.
I know, I know I know their heart,
upon my soul it should be scarred.

But something keeps me from reaching out,
from knowing exactly whom I am without.

building blocks

There's been something missing from
the words I mean to leave my tongue.
I can't say what I mean to say;
perhaps it's 'cause I am afraid.
Afraid of what, I am not sure.
That's something that I must explore:
Fear of rejection? Fear of loss?
Worry that I'll just be tossed?
Unsure of whether I'll be heard,
or maybe that I'll make you bored.
Logically I know that's false,
but in my head there is a brawl
between the conscious and the Id;
that primitive piece I hold within.
When I sit down just to think,
I know I must connect these things,
to find an answer, find some truth!
Really, what is there to lose?
The only thing I have's to grow,
find within myself what's still unknown.
The building blocks that make me whole,
I'll stack patiently, each one by one.

Roots

I want to lay awake outside
naked
in the rain.

Let the cool ticks of water
occupy my brain.

Something strange within me
stirs
deep in the psyche.

A question of unending trust;
a shimmer in a dream.

A brisk and cleansing rush
consumes
that which would impose.

Interpretation is the flaw
shrouding lovers' prose.

A strike of light illuminates
exposes
what's unknown.

Thunder crashes in the heart
a hollow, empty drum.

A storm cannot awaken
longing
of something gone unmissed.

Roots must first be firmly placed
to benefit this tryst.

Baltimore

She left her heart in Baltimore.
The raven screamed out, Nevermore!
The future came rapping at her door,
As she searched for something more.

The grace of seraphim lit her eyes,
Came bounding towards those lonely cries,
Lifted her up toward blessed skies -
Saved her ship; it would not capsize.

This sea breeze set her soul to flame,
Carried her throughout long days.
Supported wings with endless praise,
And eased her into skies once gray.

This strong and powerful wind blew,
Left her heart beating anew.
Reminded her of what is true:
Love mans this ship - an astute crew.

Resuscitate Me

Stab a pitchfork through my heart!
Just don't let it fall apart.
Hurry up and reinflate,
Need somehow to resuscitate.
Get the blood flowing again,
Make it pump with a strong hand.
Solid's all you have to be,
Not a distant memory,
Stuck up deep inside my brain.
I try to hide away my pain,
The hurt, the sadness keeps me tough,
Reminds me of old nasty stuff.
Anything I feel right now,
Is nothing close to having drowned,
Deep within the storm wrought sea -
But I'll risk the possibility,
If it keeps me digging by the shore,
For the treasure, for the cure.

Brilliant Sun

I see the good in everyone.
But there's something about you,
Brilliant Sun.
You make my heart feel light, at ease.
These long days pass like a warm
summer breeze.
Kiss of your lips is intense -
powerful ocean captures, leaves me
happily drenched.
Folded in your strong, calm arms,
I know sure as the sunrise I'll stay
safe, unharmed.
Those eyes, deep and honest, draw me in.
Dazzling blue leaves me breathless, lost
on a whim.
You evoke that within me I cannot undo.
Why is it so damn hard just to say:
I love you!