insignificant

there's this bump in the road I cannot cross
I'm reaching for you, but feel you're lost
my heart is breaking, silently
as I try to calm down, try to breathe
I want you here, right by my side
can I tell you how hard I've tried
to pull you back into my spin
to lift you up when you've no grin
I want to touch you constantly
but only fall down to my knees
alone, without you, isolated
I focus on myself instead
because you cannot meet me there
all I see's your hollow stare
I feel so insignificant
beneath all the searing tears I've wept
while waiting here I hope to see
one day, will you come back to me?
but how long, lover, should I wait
while my heart crumbles and breaks,
holding on so desperately
hoping that you still want me.

peace?

the clenching of my teeth has
made a pressure in my skull and
the endless time spent worrying of
things I cannot comprehend
has put a cold rock in my ribs
the heaviness, it weighs on me and
permeates my soul
it makes me feel like vomiting
my actions aren't controlled
my brain tingles and screams at me
my fingers are but heavy meat
I'm sure my face is red with woe
because paranoia plagues me so I
spin on downwards endlessly
the torrent battering my eyes
howling wind sucks out my breath
so no longer can I scream
my words, it's certain, are not heard
by anyone but me
and it's absolutely certain that
my heart just will not mend from this
so what to do but take steps back
escape from this unending trap
which only rubs and makes me raw and
makes me feel unsafe, alone
perhaps my head will just explode -
maybe then my peace will come.

steel

3/10/15

"Love doesn't exist," she said,
heart shrouded, and stained.
He looked into her eyes, asked,
"Why are you afraid?"
No answer from her lips;
she's frozen, can't stand.
Strings move her toward something,
knows not what's in hand.
Drowning in memories
that seem best left forgot,
sometimes she wishes
she could jump off the dock.
She fumbles and bumbles,
doesn't know why she strives.
Her heart keeps on bleeding
welling up deep inside.
Will someone come fix her?
Drag her toward the shore?
It's certain she'll have to
let the tide clean her sores.
He's standing right there
screaming out, "Help is here!"
But she's deaf to his efforts;
she's too riddled with fear.
There are some things that
time cannot begin to heal;
the damage, the suffering
cover her heart in thick steel.
Only time can begin
to even think to erase,
to close up those old wounds,
restore heart with grace.

I know, I know I know.

Lately I feel this sense of loss;
I question by what it has been caused.

A strange emptiness is in my chest,
it leaves me feeling lost, and stressed.
Those I know, I know I know,
seem lost within some undertow.

This sense of distance pervades my sight,
leaves me feeling confused and blind.
I know, I know I know their face,
for I can smell them, I can taste.

Some hollow feeling fills me through,
and leaves my heart rusty and blue.
I know, I know I know their heart,
upon my soul it should be scarred.

But something keeps me from reaching out,
from knowing exactly whom I am without.

Do The Time

I hope one day to more than glimpse,

A moment of tingling fingertips.

A heart that beats in rhyme with mine,

A drum that shifts the sands of time.

Some chord with perfect melody,

A spirit to run free with me,

To grasp the tendrils of my flame,

To make me feel almost insane.

A force to defy common sense,

To break down any stupid fence.

That makes me want to shout with awe,

And leaves me feeling more than raw.

I want someone to do the time,

Resulting from our perfect crime.

Sailor's Life

We come from the land of the shining sea,
To see what we can conquer.
What treasure will we find?
We'll take what you don't offer.

Heave, ho, a sailor's life,
Is more than foreign lands.
Heave, ho, a sailor's life,
Is all that I could ask.

Take a good look at my gold teeth,
How do you think I got them?
With the riches that I find,
Come trials risking death.

Heave, ho, a sailor's life,
Is more than my rough hands.
Heave, ho, a sailor's life,
Is all that I could ask.

You may ask what's in it for me,
It's all worth fighting for, son.
If I want that wench right there,
I'll take her to my bed.

Heave, ho, a sailor's life,
Is more than drifting clouds.
Heave, ho, a sailor's life,
Is all that I could ask.

It's more than I could ask.

Presence

It's that feeling when you say you miss me so much
It's that deep down, heart wrenching throb in my gut.
In your arms is where I'd rather be
Than halfway across this huge country.
Without you, I'm sure that I can get by
But Mister, that's one thing I'm loathe to try.
I'd love to wake up with you by my side
The palm of your hand against my thigh.
I love the way you touch my hair
The feel of your skin against mine; bare.
I can't wait until I can see you again
Sweet nothings in text will suit me til then.
Words from you in the morning make my day
Without them I fear I'd get lost in the fray.
No matter how close or far you are
The strength of your presence warms my heart.