Epiphany

This epiphany has hit me;
somehow everything has changed.
Six months ago I woke up
ev'ry morn feeling afraid -
Afraid that you would leave me,
that you had no love to give -
Afraid of some dishonesty,
some lie to trap me in.
Somewhere along the line it seems
these fears, with time, dissolved.
Your presence now feels safe to me;
all my worries are assuaged.
Your arms bring me security;
they calm my roughest waves.
Your words bring me much comfort,
which softly shakes me from my daze.
Where once wounds, deep, had gouged me,
now only linger soft, white scars.
And though I'd locked my heart away,
you've crashed right through those bars.
So at once I'll say: I'm sorry,
for keeping up my guard.
But I'll also smile and thank you,
for softening up my heart.
Your patience has been crucial
in unlocking all my gates,
and at the top of these broad turrets,
my nest, you rest, and keep me safe.

the sun

the rays of the sun are

more intimate

give me more

love

than you

golden rays are 

safer

warmer

make me feel better

have more effort

more energy

more passion

more intensity

more expression...

than you.

the sun wants to touch me

wants to hold me

to lift me

kiss me

light my way

the sun does not try

it just does

I do not have to ask

I do not have to pry

or prod

or poke

or fight for its glance

the sun will always be there

I know that for sure

of your presence in my future

however

I've not been assured.

greener

the grass is always greener
is the story of my life
I swear there's nothing truly
that will make me satisfied
something's always broken
nothing's never gained
and once I get down to it
I'm sure I'm just afraid -
afraid of what? commitment?
afraid of what? the truth?
or maybe I'm just searching
for something worth to lose -
or something whose attention
I do not have to fight
something whose affections
bring me to the light
the grass is always greener
maybe that's reality
should I shift and settle
or hold out until I'm free?

it's me.

I'm lost
I don't know what to do
something's
keeping me from you
it stops me
holds my feelings back
it grabs me
leaving me entrapped
FEAR
is what this feeling is
old wounds
slither from the mist
warn me
of your treachery -
nonexistent
in reality
your touch
is what I need to heal
those fingers
remind me what is real
our hearts
they dance so perfectly
I think
the problem here is me.

sensuality

it reaches out and grabs me:
your sensuality -
then wraps me up in comfort;
a familiar, welcome dream.
blue eyes, so deep, invite me
to take shelter in your storm,
the center of which moves me,
giving motion to my form.
your tenderness is wholesome
as it wraps me in its arms.
tightly I'm entwined within
this nest which I adore.
each time I return home there,
I feel safe, soft, at ease -
I'm surrounded by your loving;
my harbinger of peace.

catch me

falling, drifting, tumbling down,

twirling round and round and round

inside my head I cannot see

the true meaning of anything.

I reach out for some hold to grasp

even if it means I'll crash -

but suddenly I find I've stopped

comfortably; I will not drop.

around I look and touch; distressed

I realize I'm within my nest -

my chest is full of breath again!

my head's no longer filled with sand

so when my lids, I open, pry,

I see your eyes, the bluest sky

which lift me, calm me, wrap me up,

remind me there's a thing called trust.

the hollow terror in my heart

is filled now with a warmth, a spark,

a cleansing flood; intimacy

tucks me away deep in its folds

safe away now from the cold,

and now I'm certain; now I know:

you always catch me when I fall.

insignificant

there's this bump in the road I cannot cross
I'm reaching for you, but feel you're lost
my heart is breaking, silently
as I try to calm down, try to breathe
I want you here, right by my side
can I tell you how hard I've tried
to pull you back into my spin
to lift you up when you've no grin
I want to touch you constantly
but only fall down to my knees
alone, without you, isolated
I focus on myself instead
because you cannot meet me there
all I see's your hollow stare
I feel so insignificant
beneath all the searing tears I've wept
while waiting here I hope to see
one day, will you come back to me?
but how long, lover, should I wait
while my heart crumbles and breaks,
holding on so desperately
hoping that you still want me.

meteor storms

When I look down at your face I
get this sense of loneliness
eyes are closed, breathing paced
right beside me with such distance, you
lay beside me, touch me, warm
but I can't feel your energy
and in my eyes there is a storm
held back only with a bravery, which
threatens to erase, incinerate
anything that dares come near
this tempest comes and goes in waves
bursting, thirsting, full of fear, but
as I look on through the gale
a trailing glimmer lights the sky
the squall is now so strongly paled
by memories of hearts on high, and
though a scar has been undug
I know your hands, their healing touch;
tenderly the ache is calmed
as I remember: we are us, who
couldn't help but fall in love
when climbing, conquering our mountains
we have touched the stars above
as they connected Earth to Heaven.

my nest

my nest, it keeps me safe and warm
and even in the worst of storms
inside it's walls I feel at ease
hurricanes become soft breeze
I know for sure it's safe to say
that come rainy or sunny days
I'll always have a place to go
to rest and heal my weary soul
so I can stretch my wings again
feel them push against the wind
and though I love to see the sky
back to my nest I'll always fly.

Old Strings

I feel it fluttering deep inside -
Whatever it is just seems to hide.
There is no glimmer in your eyes;
I wonder if they'd even cry.

I cannot read you, cannot see,
Inside your deep, dark mystery.
I feel a move could make you flee!
Why risk the possibility?

Why is it that you drown in fear,
Of keeping any person near?
Have you even leaked a tear,
To mourn the one you've missed for years?

There's nothing I can do for you.
You must be the one to seek the truth,
To find old strings you must set loose,
And then forward, you can move.

Which Side?

There's a tug and pull from
Two different sides.
Between such opposites,
I feel deep a fright.

The feminine, the sexy,
The pure, the chaste one,
The power, the pulsing;
To which side do I run?

Do I be who I am,
Risk some kind of scorn?
Or hide my true side,
Leave it forever unknown?

At the same time I'm not just
Some pretty, sweet little thing;
A toy here to play with,
To pull 'round on a chain.

I want some connection,
To come with intimacy,
To feed into my core,
And lift up my whole being.

There must be something between
Life long and just friends.
I must find that balance,
So my life's not pretend.

Something Beautiful

Something beautiful
My way did walk.
A figure so graceful,
My heart beat did stop.

Warm summer sunshine
Danced in the air -
A shimmer, a glimmer,
Of something so rare.

A hand that stretched out
For eternity,
Trying to reach;
To set the soul free.

Something beautiful,
It shivers, it sparks,
It glistens, it trembles,
It instigates art.

The glow of the stars
Will pale when compared
To anything given;
A happiness shared.

Smoke

Smoke, it curls around her lips -
Vapor dances across her fingertips.
Wispy trails caress her form,
As she begs smoke: please stay strong.
Mist curls and twists against the breeze,
Disappearing now into the trees.
And just like that, the trail is gone.
When she looks, smoke can't be found.
Soot's heat is now mere memory,
Something that cannot be seen.
Her eyes grow full with fear of loss;
Smoke is gone like a cunning fox.
She'll reach and grasp so desperately,
Praying for a glimpse of smoke on breeze.

Intention

Love is a human need and a heart's desire.
Hey, don't you know you stoke my fire?
I want to give you all that I have,
So we can stray from pain in the past.

All I want is for you to see -
Do you remember what you thought of me?
Way back when we fell in love...
I knew you were the hand that fit my glove.

I do not want all we have to be lost,
So let's build a bridge - we can make it across.
My hands are stretched out in your direction,
Take them or don't; show me your intention.

Scar Tissue

I am so scared of the distance between us,
I have lost so much of you already.
I'm trying so hard to show you my patience,
I know you can't love til your heart is steady.

All the damage I've done is stuck in my brain,
So many regrets for things done and said.
I want so badly to move past this pain,
But I feel like we're stuck in limbo instead.

I know we can heal this together - I'm sure!
Scar tissue is thicker and tougher than skin.
Please, sir, there's so much I want to explore.
Our hearts can start beating together again.

What is Love?

Isn't it amazing,
How fucked society can be?
I'd rather run up to the mountains,
And hide inside a tree.
I think that we've forgotten,
What true love really is.
It's not some hot commodity,
It's so much more than hips.
Love isn't about virtue,
Or what you can provide.
It's not some magic story,
You can't get it with a bribe.
It takes time and understanding,
And a bit of chemistry.
And if you don't know compromise,
Then love isn't your scene.
Love is the whisper of a breeze,
Through trees on rainy days.
It's that spark that starts a fire,
In your lover's gaze.
It's the strength of caring arms,
When life becomes a fight.
It takes the weight off of your back,
When you've forgotten how to shine.
Love sees what is within you,
When you can't see yourself.
It's the force that pulls you up again,
When you've fallen off your shelf.
It gives you balance when you're lost,
And keeps life fresh and new.
Dive right in at any cost,
All is best when love-imbued.

Presence

It's that feeling when you say you miss me so much
It's that deep down, heart wrenching throb in my gut.
In your arms is where I'd rather be
Than halfway across this huge country.
Without you, I'm sure that I can get by
But Mister, that's one thing I'm loathe to try.
I'd love to wake up with you by my side
The palm of your hand against my thigh.
I love the way you touch my hair
The feel of your skin against mine; bare.
I can't wait until I can see you again
Sweet nothings in text will suit me til then.
Words from you in the morning make my day
Without them I fear I'd get lost in the fray.
No matter how close or far you are
The strength of your presence warms my heart.

The Way I Am

I wish I didn't have to explain

Why I am the way I am.

Isn't it enough to say:

It's natural, it cannot change.

I love who I love

If their hand fits my glove.

I refuse to please society

And its fucked up views on monogamy.

The American Dream is a trap -

It will eventually lead to a collapse.

Devoting your life to just one soul

Takes away chances for personal growth.

The last thing I want is to be stuck in one place,

Unable to move, and unable to chase

The dreams that run throughout my head

Which lead me to have an open bed.

My arms are open, open wide

If I accept your heart, please come inside.

All I want is to share my life

With those who don't see me as a prize.

The last thing I am is a trophy.

If all you see is my beauty,

Please move on, I need much more

Than someone who wants me to stand by the door

And show off the home with a white picket fence -

That life would only make me depressed.

I want to explore the wide open world

I am so much more than a little girl!

I have goals and dreams and so much hope.

The last thing I need is to be held down by rope.

I want to run and be wild - no holding back

By the things society seems to lack.

I'm forgetting all the lies that I have been told

The last thing I have to do is fit a mold.

I'll shout in the face of those who disagree!

I won't give up my chance to be free.

The last thing I want to do is conform

To the bullshit that's called "Societal Norms."

I'll fly way up into the sky,

Let my wings take me high, high, high.

Looking down I'll see the crowds,

Of those who are trapped beneath the clouds.

I'll shout to them to break out of the box.

Come join me where there are no locks

To hold you back and beat you down,

Above the clouds, you cannot drown.

Be who you are and you will see

How wrong society can be.

A Yearning

I woke up late last night,
Not knowing where I was.
My heart beat hard with fright,
And my head was full of fuzz.

I felt something was missing,
What it could be I did not know.
In my head there was a whisper,
At my side an evanescent glow.

Above me shone a sea of stars,
Deep in which I knew I'd find,
Something that would grasp my heart,
And titillate my mind.

I searched hard for an answer,
All throughout the night.
But the only thing that came was fear,
And a yearning for the light.

At once I woke up from my dream,
But the feeling had not left.
All I wanted was to scream -
I didn't even have a guess.

For a moment all that came were tears,
Then suddenly I knew:
In my dreams I have to face my fears,
To make my way to you.

Good Moments

Last night we sat under the magic moon,
I never imagined something like this could happen so soon.
The moon rose high above the trees,
That moment - I wish we could freeze.
The full, bright circle rose so high,
We watched it peak into the sky.
The fullness took my breath away,
But you did too, when I heard you say:

"Look my dear, up past the clouds.
Doesn't the galaxy make you aroused?
There's something special about the stars,
There's so much out there, far past Mars.
Think of all we have to see!
Out past these Purple Mountains Majesty.
The universe, it screams so loud!
There's so much out there to be found."

Let's dance together, under the moon.
You make me feel like a little girl - I swoon.
My heart beat throbs when you look at me,
Much like the waves of the tidal sea.
Again, we'll meet under the sky.
We'll forget the world, and away we'll fly.
Come with me, let's take a chance.
This universe deserves so much more than a glance.