Me;Inspired.

Eyes won’t close to let me sleep;

beating, quaking, it’s bone deep –

Although my body’s weary, tired,

finally, I feel inspired:

For once within the last six months,

words drift, soft, right off my tongue.

Somehow, there’s this motivation -

suddenly I feel my place and,

reminders, bright, they grace my skin,

they tell me, here, begin again.

At my right side they hearken, near:

"Lift your chin up please, my dear!"

Women tied to my bloodstream

stand so strong, help me sing.

So to the left there’s family,

who lift me up and fill my wings,

remind me I can tame the beast,

reach out with love, encouraging,

who see there down on my right leg:

An image of a girl who played,

who, come the sunshine or the dark

always offered up her heart,

and grew into the woman, left,

whose fiery spirit laughed, and wept and

always carved out her own trail,

no matter if she’d win or fail.

So eyes, now open, to the past,

I feel existence on my back,

and though, some days, it feels heavy,

I will not hesitate to see

a universe full of wondrous things

connected to this earth by tree,

and not afraid, though sometimes lost,

I’ll wander, free, and fight with cause.

bolder

I am not afraid of
hardship,
for it only makes me stronger.
at risk of being
hardened
I'll disturb my inner slumber.
I'd rather live in
danger
of the things that may disturb me,
than sit at home, pensive,
alone -
my components atrophying.
the licking tongues of flame filled
love
entice me, draw me closer -
and every time I think I'll
burn,
I end up growing bolder.
though I've failed time and again,
challenge
drives me ever forward,
instills a sense of comfort in the
growth
propelling upward
toward an open welcome sky,
devoid
of empty meaning,
so though storm clouds sometimes
approach,
you'll
never
        see me
                   fleeing.

more

I know not why some men do think
female only means the color pink.
There's nothing more to her than bows,
and for you is her choice of clothes.
Anything inside her brain,
because she's female, is insane.
Her opinions, silly, go unheard,
make her wonder, "am I absurd?"
Strength, once, power filled her heart,
now forgotten, dwindle in the dark.
Of course she knows not what she wants,
female, without man, is lost.
No recognition rots her core,
makes her forget she can do more
More
     than pretty, sweet, dear things
More 
     than shuttering her wings
More
     than soft, silent, demure
More
     than begging at your door
More
     than seeking approval
More
     than worth your betrothal
More
     than just your property
More
     which starts her heart to sing
Her symphony one day will rise,
within her chorus you'll realize:
ignoring her was a mistake,
now left behind, you're in her wake.
Her fire was easily sparked -
naturally, her light shone far.
The glow kindled her fantasies,
helped her navigate rough seas.
Mere glimpse of what there is to hold,
whetted her thirst to see the world.
Now she simply cannot stop
reaching, working, for her cause.
For once she found she was a star,
she woke up, moved on, reached for more.

Which Side?

There's a tug and pull from
Two different sides.
Between such opposites,
I feel deep a fright.

The feminine, the sexy,
The pure, the chaste one,
The power, the pulsing;
To which side do I run?

Do I be who I am,
Risk some kind of scorn?
Or hide my true side,
Leave it forever unknown?

At the same time I'm not just
Some pretty, sweet little thing;
A toy here to play with,
To pull 'round on a chain.

I want some connection,
To come with intimacy,
To feed into my core,
And lift up my whole being.

There must be something between
Life long and just friends.
I must find that balance,
So my life's not pretend.

Fairy Tales

I want to be appreciated for
Things I appreciate about myself.
Please don't contradict me
Or try to stow me on a shelf.
I want those who see within me
To see what I see within myself.
If I'm stronger than you think I am
You're missing something else.
I want a gentle lover 'cause
I am so gentle with myself.
Someone who understands my heart

And leaves nothing left withheld.

I want a heart that burns white hot

Dances fire and fire with myself.

An ember blazing in the dark

That just will not be dispelled.

I want soft lips to match the way

Soft words echo from myself.

Words so deep and true and honest

Any doubts are chased with stealth.

But most of all I want someone to realize

The dreams I have for my future self.

To grasp my hand and run through time

Chase those stories, grasp those fairy tales.

Something Beautiful

Something beautiful
My way did walk.
A figure so graceful,
My heart beat did stop.

Warm summer sunshine
Danced in the air -
A shimmer, a glimmer,
Of something so rare.

A hand that stretched out
For eternity,
Trying to reach;
To set the soul free.

Something beautiful,
It shivers, it sparks,
It glistens, it trembles,
It instigates art.

The glow of the stars
Will pale when compared
To anything given;
A happiness shared.

Chapter Two: A Whole Life

Goodbye to childhood,
To the pain in the past.
Farewell to anyone,
Who's e'er put me in last.

Goodbye to lost love,
To a tide of regrets.
So long to anything,
That's e'er caused stress.

Hello to today,
Tomorrow, next year.
Goodbye to anything,
That's e'er made me feel fear.

Hello to progress,
To moving forward in life.
I Welcome the future,
It shines oh, so bright.

With arms open wide,
I'll continue my growth.
The whole me is ready,
I've given my oath.


Background:

I wrote this on my 24th birthday, my golden birthday.  On that day, I burned a tree that my dad planted for me in our backyard when I was born.  It had gotten sick, and was rotting, so he cut it down and saved it for me.  It had been cut down for at least a year before he gave it to me.  It took me a little while to decide what to do with it.  I could have just burned it on a camping trip.  I decided, however, to burn it on my birthday this year as a symbol of my recently realized adulthood.

I took the time before burning it to chop it into smaller pieces with an axe, so it would fit into a fireplace.  It was extremely important to me that I went through this whole process myself, letting out my anger at the trauma I experienced in my youth.  This is the first year that I feel truly whole as a person, and able to tackle life with my head held high, unhindered by the anxiety and depression I struggled to conquer for more than a decade.

So here is a poem in dedication to my "baby tree," which I burned in the company of one of the most important people in my life, on a night I've chosen to symbolize the next chapter of my life.  Here's to moving forward, growing up, and leaving behind old wounds.

Analyze Me

How dare you think you understand;
Come close to feel my words?
I hate it when you analyze,
Think you know what makes me stir.
Who made me write this ode to love?
What made me feel alone?
Even if I tried to tell,
I don't think you could learn.
But go on, try to, if you dare,
Unlock my memories.
My past is too diff'rent from yours-
My experiences make me
                                                    ME.

Female

She is female -
A delicate flower.
Emotional, hysterical;
Can't be stronger than you.

Nurturing, compassionate,
A mother-like creature.
Without this trait,
Her heart must be crude.

Oh, those round curves,
That full female figure;
Made just for man's hands,
Don't try to dispute.

Forgive her resistance -
Can't keep him waiting!
Whatever man wants,
Female is here to salute.

She needs protection;
Can't look after herself.
Female needs man,
To play guard on her boobs.

Female is power;
She doesn't need help.
Try to dance in her fire,
If you don't find her prude.

She is what she is,
Not what you want her to be.
How many females,
Have you viewed as lewd?

She has an opinion,
A working brain in her head.
Don't dare dismiss her,
Or try to label her "cute."

Eat your patriarchy -
Swallow it whole.
Female takes no shit;
She will not be subdued.

She is human -
Surviving unbroken.
Intelligent, rational,
Breaks chains of servitude.

Pray

And if you pray to your precious god,
What will come to you?
Strong perfumes and expensive bath salts,
Heaven pays it's due.
Eternal life and admiration,
What promise drives you?
Do you act of your own volition?
Do you know the truth?
It is sacred, is that really so;
Is there a way to prove?
How can you really, truly know,
Which god will save you?

Glass Beads

Life is a bunch of random moments,
Strung together like glass beads.
How do you remember them?
Can you hear them sing?
Have you ever had that moment:
One falls - shatters on the ground?
How long till you recover?
Can the missing pieces all be found?
Each one's a different color
Sometimes a different shape.
Do they glitter in the sun?
How many are opaque?
Can you see right through them,
To the other side?
Or do you have to sift through sands,
Behind the doors of time?
Will they all fit in your hand,
Or overflow a dish?
When you look back at these moments,
In your soul, do you feel rich?

Independent

Is there someone who will let me be free?
I'm so afraid no one can handle me.
I want to love and live my life,
Without a magnet at my side.

Is there someone who can understand,
That I don't want a "traditional" man,
To break me down and make me cry -
I want someone who can help me rise.

Is there someone who can challenge me?
Someone smart, gentle with intensity.
I need a spark to light my flame
Please believe me, this is no game.

Is there someone who gets my love,
Who can see that all I want is trust?
Will you tell me everything,
Without me having to pull your strings?

Is there someone who can handle me?
I repeat: All I want is to be free.
I'm independent, that's for sure,
A quality for which there is no cure.

Sit Pretty

What makes you think that you're entitled,
To a piece of me?
Am I some piece of magic fruit,
You can harvest from a tree?
Whenever YOU are ready,
Yeah come on, take a grab.
Forget I'm human with life dreams,
I'll just sit pretty on your lap.

I should have known long, long ago:
All you want from me is ass.
If you wonder now why I'm so cold,
It's because you have no class.
I owe you nothing, that's for sure -
I only owe myself.
Just 'cause I'm free don't mean I'm yours.
I won't sit on someone's shelf.

What makes you think I want someone,
To hold me - drag me down?
The only thing I want is room,
To carry out my plans.
I don't need someone to hold me back,
I always want to run.
Even if you could handle that,
I wouldn't want to hold your hand.

To Feel

"What is it like to feel the rain?"
She asked him, deep in thought.
"Sometimes I think I forgot my name,
And I don't know where I stop.
Am I a part of this lovely world,
Or is it a part of me?
Is it my mind that created gold,
In my heart, is there too much greed?
Is any of this even real,
Or have I manufactured it all?
Please tell me, are you made of steel,
Or intangible as the things I draw?"
And as she lay there next to him,
He reached out, grabbed her hand.
The sky opened up and touched her skin,
Reminded her she could feel again.
Her heart broke open, open wide,
As he whispered in her ear:
"Just remember who you are inside,
I love you for that, my dear."

What Do You See?

If all you see is a pretty girl,
Walk the fuck away.
If you don't want to see my world,
Just get out of my face.
There's so much more to me than beauty!
There's a part of me that burns.
Deep inside I want for plenty -
Always something for which I yearn.
My arms are always stretched out wide,
To take in more and more.
So many things that make me smile,
And warm me to my core.
I'd never give up how I feel,
Although sometimes it hurts.
There is always time to heal -
Pain only comes in spurts.
I crave the bite of the fire,
Far more than the cold of the dark.
The flame takes me higher and higher,
And strengthens all my scars.
If the sting of the coals excites you,
Come on, take my hand.
I love a challenge, that's the truth -
Let me show you my land.

Without You

I'm sitting on this porch
     Without you.
I'm watching the orange
     Take over the blue.
Before long it will be too late
     No escape.
There's no surrender now
     Forget it.
Then it was now or never
     Gone like a feather.
I've tasted the freedom now
     Can't you see?
The only thing I need
     Is me.
I've got my own back
     Without you.
I'm letting the happy
     Take over the blue.

The Way I Am

I wish I didn't have to explain

Why I am the way I am.

Isn't it enough to say:

It's natural, it cannot change.

I love who I love

If their hand fits my glove.

I refuse to please society

And its fucked up views on monogamy.

The American Dream is a trap -

It will eventually lead to a collapse.

Devoting your life to just one soul

Takes away chances for personal growth.

The last thing I want is to be stuck in one place,

Unable to move, and unable to chase

The dreams that run throughout my head

Which lead me to have an open bed.

My arms are open, open wide

If I accept your heart, please come inside.

All I want is to share my life

With those who don't see me as a prize.

The last thing I am is a trophy.

If all you see is my beauty,

Please move on, I need much more

Than someone who wants me to stand by the door

And show off the home with a white picket fence -

That life would only make me depressed.

I want to explore the wide open world

I am so much more than a little girl!

I have goals and dreams and so much hope.

The last thing I need is to be held down by rope.

I want to run and be wild - no holding back

By the things society seems to lack.

I'm forgetting all the lies that I have been told

The last thing I have to do is fit a mold.

I'll shout in the face of those who disagree!

I won't give up my chance to be free.

The last thing I want to do is conform

To the bullshit that's called "Societal Norms."

I'll fly way up into the sky,

Let my wings take me high, high, high.

Looking down I'll see the crowds,

Of those who are trapped beneath the clouds.

I'll shout to them to break out of the box.

Come join me where there are no locks

To hold you back and beat you down,

Above the clouds, you cannot drown.

Be who you are and you will see

How wrong society can be.

This is Our Home

Just like that, the walls came down.
Things changed by leaps and bounds.
Everything inside poured out and
Ripped apart all below the clouds.
Turmoil and chaos reigned the Earth
From the highest trees down to the dirt.
Disease and warfare pervaded the land
Until suddenly a shout rang loud!
It was the cry of those who'd been oppressed
Who had nothing left in which to invest.
They wondered: What happened to opportunity?
We were led to believe this was the land of the free.
We are top notch, boastful - we are the elite.
It's obvious now that it's all about greed.
Be the best, climb the ladder, get to the top.
Success is all that matters - forget about cost.
Material goods make us feel like gods,
For a time it seemed there was no way to fall.
Looking back it seems obvious - we should have known.
Prosperity and peace can only last for so long.
So now that we've fallen, we have to get up.
Heads held high, stand our ground, wipe the dirt off our butts.
Together we're strong, we can bring about change.
Hold our leaders accountable for fixing their ways.
Organize yourselves, get together and talk!
The next thing you know we'll be walking the walk.
The future holds promise, of that I am sure,
If we stay strong and remember:
                           This is our home.