sensuality

it reaches out and grabs me:
your sensuality -
then wraps me up in comfort;
a familiar, welcome dream.
blue eyes, so deep, invite me
to take shelter in your storm,
the center of which moves me,
giving motion to my form.
your tenderness is wholesome
as it wraps me in its arms.
tightly I'm entwined within
this nest which I adore.
each time I return home there,
I feel safe, soft, at ease -
I'm surrounded by your loving;
my harbinger of peace.

lingerer

I hate you 'cause I love you
and I know you love me, too.
I love the way your eyes shine
that deep, inviting blue.
It pulls me in, so haunting -
grasping, pawing at my soul,
daring me to chase you,
to leap through a solid wall.
The bricks are daunting to me,
keeping me held back.
There's something in your manner
suggesting you'd feel trapped.
No matter what my heart says,
I'm scared to show my hand.
My instinct says you're flawless -
my head knows you are fanged.
There's danger in your waters;
the faintest ripple of a shark.
It's keeping me from trying
to see what's within your heart.
Some day, I hope, I'll find you,
a beacon blaring bright.
But if I don't, I'm sure that
you'll still linger in my mind.

another day

Something I've discovered,
is that life will be okay.
No matter what the circumstance,
there'll come another day.
A day to tackle mountains,
to see the whole world shine
A day to conquer oceans,
and to wash away the brine.
The stars will shine forever,
a new world always turns.
The sun peeks up at morning,
waves, by the moon, are stirred.
There will be beginning,
each time there comes an end.
Flowers, each spring, blossom,
after winter's frosty hand.
Life is full of learning,
and of mistakes to be made.
But all these things are worth it -
open minds, they relish change.

To Run

Run.
Run, and run, and run;
don't stop.
Do your best to
just get lost.
Forget today,
tomorrow, next year.
Leave behind that
which has caused fear.
Dive right in the
deep dark sea.
Leave behind any
saddening memory.
Scream so loud
your throat goes raw.
Make that found
be full of awe.
The skies are open
ever endlessly.
Find what you seek
and make it sing.
The best things follow
that which takes work.
Push so hard
your face will smirk.
Push til it takes -
question, confront.
But last of all,
remember most:
it's always best
to run.

Something Beautiful

Something beautiful
My way did walk.
A figure so graceful,
My heart beat did stop.

Warm summer sunshine
Danced in the air -
A shimmer, a glimmer,
Of something so rare.

A hand that stretched out
For eternity,
Trying to reach;
To set the soul free.

Something beautiful,
It shivers, it sparks,
It glistens, it trembles,
It instigates art.

The glow of the stars
Will pale when compared
To anything given;
A happiness shared.

Chapter Two: A Whole Life

Goodbye to childhood,
To the pain in the past.
Farewell to anyone,
Who's e'er put me in last.

Goodbye to lost love,
To a tide of regrets.
So long to anything,
That's e'er caused stress.

Hello to today,
Tomorrow, next year.
Goodbye to anything,
That's e'er made me feel fear.

Hello to progress,
To moving forward in life.
I Welcome the future,
It shines oh, so bright.

With arms open wide,
I'll continue my growth.
The whole me is ready,
I've given my oath.


Background:

I wrote this on my 24th birthday, my golden birthday.  On that day, I burned a tree that my dad planted for me in our backyard when I was born.  It had gotten sick, and was rotting, so he cut it down and saved it for me.  It had been cut down for at least a year before he gave it to me.  It took me a little while to decide what to do with it.  I could have just burned it on a camping trip.  I decided, however, to burn it on my birthday this year as a symbol of my recently realized adulthood.

I took the time before burning it to chop it into smaller pieces with an axe, so it would fit into a fireplace.  It was extremely important to me that I went through this whole process myself, letting out my anger at the trauma I experienced in my youth.  This is the first year that I feel truly whole as a person, and able to tackle life with my head held high, unhindered by the anxiety and depression I struggled to conquer for more than a decade.

So here is a poem in dedication to my "baby tree," which I burned in the company of one of the most important people in my life, on a night I've chosen to symbolize the next chapter of my life.  Here's to moving forward, growing up, and leaving behind old wounds.

Today

I wanted to be mad today,
Before I passed the door.
But I can't find a way to stay,
Pissed off anymore.

I wanted to be dark today,
Keep the sun in shroud.
Grow the balls to smack your face,
But I don't see a cloud.

I wanted to be sad today,
Cry away your memory.
But something happened that's insane:
Your face I no longer see.

I wanted to scream loud today,
Show the world you're wrong.
Show you there's a price to pay,
For doing someone harm.

I realized something strong today:
For once I think you're gone.
I can no longer see your face,
So now I can move on.

The Rain

It's nice to sit out in the rain -
Some people say it's cold.
I let it wash away my pain,
So I can focus on my goals.
It's petrichor reminds me: be alive -
Pay attention to the world.
See all there is for which to strive;
There is so much more than gold.
I don't care too much for shiny things,
They dim the brilliance of the day.
I'd rather listen to a giggling stream,
Than go somewhere and pay.
Give me the high of Mary Jane,
And a kiss to get me through.
No days we have are all the same,
Today I'll sit in the rain and stew.

What is Love?

Isn't it amazing,
How fucked society can be?
I'd rather run up to the mountains,
And hide inside a tree.
I think that we've forgotten,
What true love really is.
It's not some hot commodity,
It's so much more than hips.
Love isn't about virtue,
Or what you can provide.
It's not some magic story,
You can't get it with a bribe.
It takes time and understanding,
And a bit of chemistry.
And if you don't know compromise,
Then love isn't your scene.
Love is the whisper of a breeze,
Through trees on rainy days.
It's that spark that starts a fire,
In your lover's gaze.
It's the strength of caring arms,
When life becomes a fight.
It takes the weight off of your back,
When you've forgotten how to shine.
Love sees what is within you,
When you can't see yourself.
It's the force that pulls you up again,
When you've fallen off your shelf.
It gives you balance when you're lost,
And keeps life fresh and new.
Dive right in at any cost,
All is best when love-imbued.

Independent

Is there someone who will let me be free?
I'm so afraid no one can handle me.
I want to love and live my life,
Without a magnet at my side.

Is there someone who can understand,
That I don't want a "traditional" man,
To break me down and make me cry -
I want someone who can help me rise.

Is there someone who can challenge me?
Someone smart, gentle with intensity.
I need a spark to light my flame
Please believe me, this is no game.

Is there someone who gets my love,
Who can see that all I want is trust?
Will you tell me everything,
Without me having to pull your strings?

Is there someone who can handle me?
I repeat: All I want is to be free.
I'm independent, that's for sure,
A quality for which there is no cure.

To Feel

"What is it like to feel the rain?"
She asked him, deep in thought.
"Sometimes I think I forgot my name,
And I don't know where I stop.
Am I a part of this lovely world,
Or is it a part of me?
Is it my mind that created gold,
In my heart, is there too much greed?
Is any of this even real,
Or have I manufactured it all?
Please tell me, are you made of steel,
Or intangible as the things I draw?"
And as she lay there next to him,
He reached out, grabbed her hand.
The sky opened up and touched her skin,
Reminded her she could feel again.
Her heart broke open, open wide,
As he whispered in her ear:
"Just remember who you are inside,
I love you for that, my dear."

Before

She runs till she can run no more,
Arms wide to take life in.
She sees what she did not before -
Some things just cannot break her skin.

She'll raise her eyes up to the sky,
Forget all of this pain.
Open her soul and fly up high -
She knows she will find love again.

She can't see what the future holds,
But fear she does not feel.
She laughs at lies that she's been told -
Emotion makes her strong as steel.

Her heart is strong deep in its core,
Right now its walls are weak.
She sees what she did not before -
For strength, all she must do is speak.

Presence

It's that feeling when you say you miss me so much
It's that deep down, heart wrenching throb in my gut.
In your arms is where I'd rather be
Than halfway across this huge country.
Without you, I'm sure that I can get by
But Mister, that's one thing I'm loathe to try.
I'd love to wake up with you by my side
The palm of your hand against my thigh.
I love the way you touch my hair
The feel of your skin against mine; bare.
I can't wait until I can see you again
Sweet nothings in text will suit me til then.
Words from you in the morning make my day
Without them I fear I'd get lost in the fray.
No matter how close or far you are
The strength of your presence warms my heart.

The Way I Am

I wish I didn't have to explain

Why I am the way I am.

Isn't it enough to say:

It's natural, it cannot change.

I love who I love

If their hand fits my glove.

I refuse to please society

And its fucked up views on monogamy.

The American Dream is a trap -

It will eventually lead to a collapse.

Devoting your life to just one soul

Takes away chances for personal growth.

The last thing I want is to be stuck in one place,

Unable to move, and unable to chase

The dreams that run throughout my head

Which lead me to have an open bed.

My arms are open, open wide

If I accept your heart, please come inside.

All I want is to share my life

With those who don't see me as a prize.

The last thing I am is a trophy.

If all you see is my beauty,

Please move on, I need much more

Than someone who wants me to stand by the door

And show off the home with a white picket fence -

That life would only make me depressed.

I want to explore the wide open world

I am so much more than a little girl!

I have goals and dreams and so much hope.

The last thing I need is to be held down by rope.

I want to run and be wild - no holding back

By the things society seems to lack.

I'm forgetting all the lies that I have been told

The last thing I have to do is fit a mold.

I'll shout in the face of those who disagree!

I won't give up my chance to be free.

The last thing I want to do is conform

To the bullshit that's called "Societal Norms."

I'll fly way up into the sky,

Let my wings take me high, high, high.

Looking down I'll see the crowds,

Of those who are trapped beneath the clouds.

I'll shout to them to break out of the box.

Come join me where there are no locks

To hold you back and beat you down,

Above the clouds, you cannot drown.

Be who you are and you will see

How wrong society can be.

Good Moments

Last night we sat under the magic moon,
I never imagined something like this could happen so soon.
The moon rose high above the trees,
That moment - I wish we could freeze.
The full, bright circle rose so high,
We watched it peak into the sky.
The fullness took my breath away,
But you did too, when I heard you say:

"Look my dear, up past the clouds.
Doesn't the galaxy make you aroused?
There's something special about the stars,
There's so much out there, far past Mars.
Think of all we have to see!
Out past these Purple Mountains Majesty.
The universe, it screams so loud!
There's so much out there to be found."

Let's dance together, under the moon.
You make me feel like a little girl - I swoon.
My heart beat throbs when you look at me,
Much like the waves of the tidal sea.
Again, we'll meet under the sky.
We'll forget the world, and away we'll fly.
Come with me, let's take a chance.
This universe deserves so much more than a glance.