Me;Inspired.

Eyes won’t close to let me sleep;

beating, quaking, it’s bone deep –

Although my body’s weary, tired,

finally, I feel inspired:

For once within the last six months,

words drift, soft, right off my tongue.

Somehow, there’s this motivation -

suddenly I feel my place and,

reminders, bright, they grace my skin,

they tell me, here, begin again.

At my right side they hearken, near:

"Lift your chin up please, my dear!"

Women tied to my bloodstream

stand so strong, help me sing.

So to the left there’s family,

who lift me up and fill my wings,

remind me I can tame the beast,

reach out with love, encouraging,

who see there down on my right leg:

An image of a girl who played,

who, come the sunshine or the dark

always offered up her heart,

and grew into the woman, left,

whose fiery spirit laughed, and wept and

always carved out her own trail,

no matter if she’d win or fail.

So eyes, now open, to the past,

I feel existence on my back,

and though, some days, it feels heavy,

I will not hesitate to see

a universe full of wondrous things

connected to this earth by tree,

and not afraid, though sometimes lost,

I’ll wander, free, and fight with cause.

Epiphany

This epiphany has hit me;
somehow everything has changed.
Six months ago I woke up
ev'ry morn feeling afraid -
Afraid that you would leave me,
that you had no love to give -
Afraid of some dishonesty,
some lie to trap me in.
Somewhere along the line it seems
these fears, with time, dissolved.
Your presence now feels safe to me;
all my worries are assuaged.
Your arms bring me security;
they calm my roughest waves.
Your words bring me much comfort,
which softly shakes me from my daze.
Where once wounds, deep, had gouged me,
now only linger soft, white scars.
And though I'd locked my heart away,
you've crashed right through those bars.
So at once I'll say: I'm sorry,
for keeping up my guard.
But I'll also smile and thank you,
for softening up my heart.
Your patience has been crucial
in unlocking all my gates,
and at the top of these broad turrets,
my nest, you rest, and keep me safe.

the sun

the rays of the sun are

more intimate

give me more

love

than you

golden rays are 

safer

warmer

make me feel better

have more effort

more energy

more passion

more intensity

more expression...

than you.

the sun wants to touch me

wants to hold me

to lift me

kiss me

light my way

the sun does not try

it just does

I do not have to ask

I do not have to pry

or prod

or poke

or fight for its glance

the sun will always be there

I know that for sure

of your presence in my future

however

I've not been assured.

greener

the grass is always greener
is the story of my life
I swear there's nothing truly
that will make me satisfied
something's always broken
nothing's never gained
and once I get down to it
I'm sure I'm just afraid -
afraid of what? commitment?
afraid of what? the truth?
or maybe I'm just searching
for something worth to lose -
or something whose attention
I do not have to fight
something whose affections
bring me to the light
the grass is always greener
maybe that's reality
should I shift and settle
or hold out until I'm free?

bolder

I am not afraid of
hardship,
for it only makes me stronger.
at risk of being
hardened
I'll disturb my inner slumber.
I'd rather live in
danger
of the things that may disturb me,
than sit at home, pensive,
alone -
my components atrophying.
the licking tongues of flame filled
love
entice me, draw me closer -
and every time I think I'll
burn,
I end up growing bolder.
though I've failed time and again,
challenge
drives me ever forward,
instills a sense of comfort in the
growth
propelling upward
toward an open welcome sky,
devoid
of empty meaning,
so though storm clouds sometimes
approach,
you'll
never
        see me
                   fleeing.

it's me.

I'm lost
I don't know what to do
something's
keeping me from you
it stops me
holds my feelings back
it grabs me
leaving me entrapped
FEAR
is what this feeling is
old wounds
slither from the mist
warn me
of your treachery -
nonexistent
in reality
your touch
is what I need to heal
those fingers
remind me what is real
our hearts
they dance so perfectly
I think
the problem here is me.

the cycle

I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU
those words are ringing, loud and true
they hollow out my soul of rot
leave me feeling lost, forgot
they wind me up inside my head
fill my mind with thoughts of dread
and there I go, reeling again
just when I thought I'd stopped my spin
of chaos which will never cease
it seems to pull me down with ease
each time a high comes, lifts me up
I get buried, covered, left to rust
and so I'm crumbled, and it seems
that there is no escape from these
endless cycles; ups and downs
I'm fighting constantly for ground
so every time I reach my high
I'm left to foresee my next good-bye.

sensuality

it reaches out and grabs me:
your sensuality -
then wraps me up in comfort;
a familiar, welcome dream.
blue eyes, so deep, invite me
to take shelter in your storm,
the center of which moves me,
giving motion to my form.
your tenderness is wholesome
as it wraps me in its arms.
tightly I'm entwined within
this nest which I adore.
each time I return home there,
I feel safe, soft, at ease -
I'm surrounded by your loving;
my harbinger of peace.

catch me

falling, drifting, tumbling down,

twirling round and round and round

inside my head I cannot see

the true meaning of anything.

I reach out for some hold to grasp

even if it means I'll crash -

but suddenly I find I've stopped

comfortably; I will not drop.

around I look and touch; distressed

I realize I'm within my nest -

my chest is full of breath again!

my head's no longer filled with sand

so when my lids, I open, pry,

I see your eyes, the bluest sky

which lift me, calm me, wrap me up,

remind me there's a thing called trust.

the hollow terror in my heart

is filled now with a warmth, a spark,

a cleansing flood; intimacy

tucks me away deep in its folds

safe away now from the cold,

and now I'm certain; now I know:

you always catch me when I fall.

weird

I love you I'm sorry I'm weird
it's just, I sometimes get scared
and I can't
put
the words
together.

seeds

the worst feeling is
the loss of one loved;
a feeling of wrenching
so strong in your gut;
the terror, the clenching,
from down, deep inside -
it sets you to trembling,
a Choice: Fight or Flight?
To fight and risk losing,
whatever pride's left
to fly and avoid it,
not know what was best.
Inclination is: fleeing,
from what's causing pain -
logically it's clear
that won't help bring gain -
but fighting: it's freeing,
it plants seeds of growth,
it bolsters conviction,
and brings the heart hope.
Only when it's returned,
can something be brewed;
so I'll keep on fighting,
to see what you do.

insignificant

there's this bump in the road I cannot cross
I'm reaching for you, but feel you're lost
my heart is breaking, silently
as I try to calm down, try to breathe
I want you here, right by my side
can I tell you how hard I've tried
to pull you back into my spin
to lift you up when you've no grin
I want to touch you constantly
but only fall down to my knees
alone, without you, isolated
I focus on myself instead
because you cannot meet me there
all I see's your hollow stare
I feel so insignificant
beneath all the searing tears I've wept
while waiting here I hope to see
one day, will you come back to me?
but how long, lover, should I wait
while my heart crumbles and breaks,
holding on so desperately
hoping that you still want me.

lingerer

I hate you 'cause I love you
and I know you love me, too.
I love the way your eyes shine
that deep, inviting blue.
It pulls me in, so haunting -
grasping, pawing at my soul,
daring me to chase you,
to leap through a solid wall.
The bricks are daunting to me,
keeping me held back.
There's something in your manner
suggesting you'd feel trapped.
No matter what my heart says,
I'm scared to show my hand.
My instinct says you're flawless -
my head knows you are fanged.
There's danger in your waters;
the faintest ripple of a shark.
It's keeping me from trying
to see what's within your heart.
Some day, I hope, I'll find you,
a beacon blaring bright.
But if I don't, I'm sure that
you'll still linger in my mind.

back into the cave

I feel like I'm done trying
I just keep being ignored
It's obvious my feelings aren't
important at the core
I feel alone, so lost, unloved
forgotten, abandoned, left to rust
and how could when you said you love me
throw me out like rotten meat
at least give me an explanation
instead of hollow empty words
I barely hear a thing from you
so what the fuck am I supposed to do?
all I want's to scream at you
to elicit some response
but maybe saying nothing
is the only way to voice
that really I am wounded
and I can barely muster strength to speak
a whisper I can't fathom
my roar would be a squeak
I'm broken down, defeated
the heart must call retreat
so back into the cave I go
where I will fester on my own.

peace?

the clenching of my teeth has
made a pressure in my skull and
the endless time spent worrying of
things I cannot comprehend
has put a cold rock in my ribs
the heaviness, it weighs on me and
permeates my soul
it makes me feel like vomiting
my actions aren't controlled
my brain tingles and screams at me
my fingers are but heavy meat
I'm sure my face is red with woe
because paranoia plagues me so I
spin on downwards endlessly
the torrent battering my eyes
howling wind sucks out my breath
so no longer can I scream
my words, it's certain, are not heard
by anyone but me
and it's absolutely certain that
my heart just will not mend from this
so what to do but take steps back
escape from this unending trap
which only rubs and makes me raw and
makes me feel unsafe, alone
perhaps my head will just explode -
maybe then my peace will come.

promise

The words I mean to leave my lips
are always jumbled, always missed
and every time I try to speak
the sounds come out so wrong it seems
that though I want to lift you up
I only make bad things erupt so
I want you just to know I care
and that I know you're lost somewhere
deep inside a foggy brain
I hope you know you're worth something
you're worth the world and more, I swear
the stars and galaxy are paled
by everything that shines in you the
force is greater than the moon's,
and though you may not feel it now
my heart is open to your hand and
I by your side, promise to stay
even on the worst of days
I'll be here, strong, with open arms
to welcome you in from the storm from
which my Nest, you've held me close
so please, let me return that hope.

meteor storms

When I look down at your face I
get this sense of loneliness
eyes are closed, breathing paced
right beside me with such distance, you
lay beside me, touch me, warm
but I can't feel your energy
and in my eyes there is a storm
held back only with a bravery, which
threatens to erase, incinerate
anything that dares come near
this tempest comes and goes in waves
bursting, thirsting, full of fear, but
as I look on through the gale
a trailing glimmer lights the sky
the squall is now so strongly paled
by memories of hearts on high, and
though a scar has been undug
I know your hands, their healing touch;
tenderly the ache is calmed
as I remember: we are us, who
couldn't help but fall in love
when climbing, conquering our mountains
we have touched the stars above
as they connected Earth to Heaven.

distressed

I feel weak, I feel strung out
can barely muster strength to shout
although that's what I want to do
it won't fix this case of blues
pull the pieces back together
shove them, stick them, make them better
eat some chocolate, drink some wine
the pain will ease with pass of time
my heart aches deep inside my chest
it signifies a deep distress
the next step here is: LET IT OUT
break down walls and scream and shout
cry and thrash and break some things
turn up the music loud and sing
belt it till my voice goes hoarse
let this panic run it's course
write something, or paint, or run
make it match beat of my drum
the drum that pounds inside my chest
the one that tells me: I'm distressed!
I keep on searching for a cure
something to make my heart less sore
a laugh, a smile, brings respite
reminds me there's end to the night
so if I just keep pushing through
eventually, there'll be no blue
to hold me down and back me up
instead good things will fill my cup
and from within this sad cocoon
a strong, sweet soul will surely bloom.

my nest

my nest, it keeps me safe and warm
and even in the worst of storms
inside it's walls I feel at ease
hurricanes become soft breeze
I know for sure it's safe to say
that come rainy or sunny days
I'll always have a place to go
to rest and heal my weary soul
so I can stretch my wings again
feel them push against the wind
and though I love to see the sky
back to my nest I'll always fly.

more

I know not why some men do think
female only means the color pink.
There's nothing more to her than bows,
and for you is her choice of clothes.
Anything inside her brain,
because she's female, is insane.
Her opinions, silly, go unheard,
make her wonder, "am I absurd?"
Strength, once, power filled her heart,
now forgotten, dwindle in the dark.
Of course she knows not what she wants,
female, without man, is lost.
No recognition rots her core,
makes her forget she can do more
More
     than pretty, sweet, dear things
More 
     than shuttering her wings
More
     than soft, silent, demure
More
     than begging at your door
More
     than seeking approval
More
     than worth your betrothal
More
     than just your property
More
     which starts her heart to sing
Her symphony one day will rise,
within her chorus you'll realize:
ignoring her was a mistake,
now left behind, you're in her wake.
Her fire was easily sparked -
naturally, her light shone far.
The glow kindled her fantasies,
helped her navigate rough seas.
Mere glimpse of what there is to hold,
whetted her thirst to see the world.
Now she simply cannot stop
reaching, working, for her cause.
For once she found she was a star,
she woke up, moved on, reached for more.