madness

drown it deep within the night
bury it away from light
hide it from the smallest glimpse
lose it in the thickest mist
forget those troublesome feelings
close the mind from suffering
pretend your face will make you strong
act like you always belonged
mask the pain that's felt inside
cover it with swollen pride
puff the chest to make you seem
more than a lost and worthless dream
paste that smile, glue it on
fake it, make it, til the dawn
smoke the sad thoughts all away
drink the madness til it's sane
paint the mask on silently
keep on laughing, never scream
so one day, maybe, you will feel
like something in you might be real.

the night

hollow, empty, are your eyes
I barely feel you by my side
solid mass touches right there
though I can't tell if you still care
my heart is shattered in my ribs
pale and frozen are my lips
as words echo, still, silently
begging you to please show me:
kiss me, kiss me, like you did
when we first met, so passionate
that tender touch I miss so much
it made me shiver, made me flushed
what I want right now is you inside
to make me deaf and make me blind
overflow me with your love
remind me that I am enough
before you lose me to the night
which will wrap me up, holding me tight
I won't be warm but I will know
at least I love myself, alone.

Inferno

I painted this several months ago and just remembered its existence. Might play some more with elemental themes.

Contrast

I painted this out of frustration. It was fun to play with some colors. More to come!

back into the cave

I feel like I'm done trying
I just keep being ignored
It's obvious my feelings aren't
important at the core
I feel alone, so lost, unloved
forgotten, abandoned, left to rust
and how could when you said you love me
throw me out like rotten meat
at least give me an explanation
instead of hollow empty words
I barely hear a thing from you
so what the fuck am I supposed to do?
all I want's to scream at you
to elicit some response
but maybe saying nothing
is the only way to voice
that really I am wounded
and I can barely muster strength to speak
a whisper I can't fathom
my roar would be a squeak
I'm broken down, defeated
the heart must call retreat
so back into the cave I go
where I will fester on my own.

peace?

the clenching of my teeth has
made a pressure in my skull and
the endless time spent worrying of
things I cannot comprehend
has put a cold rock in my ribs
the heaviness, it weighs on me and
permeates my soul
it makes me feel like vomiting
my actions aren't controlled
my brain tingles and screams at me
my fingers are but heavy meat
I'm sure my face is red with woe
because paranoia plagues me so I
spin on downwards endlessly
the torrent battering my eyes
howling wind sucks out my breath
so no longer can I scream
my words, it's certain, are not heard
by anyone but me
and it's absolutely certain that
my heart just will not mend from this
so what to do but take steps back
escape from this unending trap
which only rubs and makes me raw and
makes me feel unsafe, alone
perhaps my head will just explode -
maybe then my peace will come.

promise

The words I mean to leave my lips
are always jumbled, always missed
and every time I try to speak
the sounds come out so wrong it seems
that though I want to lift you up
I only make bad things erupt so
I want you just to know I care
and that I know you're lost somewhere
deep inside a foggy brain
I hope you know you're worth something
you're worth the world and more, I swear
the stars and galaxy are paled
by everything that shines in you the
force is greater than the moon's,
and though you may not feel it now
my heart is open to your hand and
I by your side, promise to stay
even on the worst of days
I'll be here, strong, with open arms
to welcome you in from the storm from
which my Nest, you've held me close
so please, let me return that hope.

meteor storms

When I look down at your face I
get this sense of loneliness
eyes are closed, breathing paced
right beside me with such distance, you
lay beside me, touch me, warm
but I can't feel your energy
and in my eyes there is a storm
held back only with a bravery, which
threatens to erase, incinerate
anything that dares come near
this tempest comes and goes in waves
bursting, thirsting, full of fear, but
as I look on through the gale
a trailing glimmer lights the sky
the squall is now so strongly paled
by memories of hearts on high, and
though a scar has been undug
I know your hands, their healing touch;
tenderly the ache is calmed
as I remember: we are us, who
couldn't help but fall in love
when climbing, conquering our mountains
we have touched the stars above
as they connected Earth to Heaven.

momentum

"I'm going somewhere," she says,
voice strong, definitive.
"Of this one thing I'm certain:
my path is for the best."
Momentum keeps her going
lifting her to flight.
Behind her, the cold morning,
ahead her, arms of night.
Her voice so clear, it echoes
across unmapped terrain.
This path before once frozen,
now clean and left unstained.
All failures have been learned from
though the future's left unknown.
Tomorrow she'll be fighting,
quickly abandoning her foes.
Each day is full of meaning
of some knowledge new to gain.
Her mind stretches its borders;
she dances through the rain.
Shouting her excitement,
she jumps up, spreads her arms.
Though once her heart was rotting,
now conviction is the storm.

Sadness

like clockwork, here it comes again
hello there, Sadness, my old friend
I've tried to ditch you in the past
but time and again you come on back
to torment me with heavy heart
to slowly rip my world apart
I'm certain now you're a disease
one that I can merely treat
each time I try to vanquish you
for a time I can find solitude
but soon again I cross your path
and Sadness, you disturb my grasp
on reality, which fades away
leaves me feeling so afraid
that I'll lose my tenuous hold
on what is left of my blurry world
I sink on down into the deep
forgetting what it is to breathe
and blind, I struggle for an edge
a crag to place my foot against
time stands still while I search
sure that I will not emerge
unharmed, unbroken, or alive
with anything for which to strive
and so I'll leave me for the wolves
alone while Sadness pounds my skull