can't

can't see
can't breathe
can't hear
can't feel
anything but the weight
which keeps me crushed here
beneath a burdensome dark marr
endless darkness, never stars
a tremor thumps, pounds in my chest
echoes, bounces, wraps me up
struggle, perilous pursuit
and now apocalyptic truths
hold me down and block my sight
leave a terror deep inside
fists strike out, punches thrown
but still I cannot feel the sun
frozen tundra, ice cold wind
try to trap me deep within
fighting back, attempt escape
break free of this grizzly cage
just when drowning's imminent
the surface breaks, allows a breath
and clawing upward, kicking down
abandon old and tarnished crown
which rested once upon the head
of my shadowed, plague-filled bed
sky light beckons, soft and sweet
easing lingering misery
gently brushes off dank dirt
offers a much needed cure
a respite from the weight of war
a nest! protection from all harm
safe now, bolstered energy
gives the voice power to sing
a way to manifest my dreams
and faced now with this certainty:
I can see
I can breathe
I can hear
I can feel

I can live.

distressed

I feel weak, I feel strung out
can barely muster strength to shout
although that's what I want to do
it won't fix this case of blues
pull the pieces back together
shove them, stick them, make them better
eat some chocolate, drink some wine
the pain will ease with pass of time
my heart aches deep inside my chest
it signifies a deep distress
the next step here is: LET IT OUT
break down walls and scream and shout
cry and thrash and break some things
turn up the music loud and sing
belt it till my voice goes hoarse
let this panic run it's course
write something, or paint, or run
make it match beat of my drum
the drum that pounds inside my chest
the one that tells me: I'm distressed!
I keep on searching for a cure
something to make my heart less sore
a laugh, a smile, brings respite
reminds me there's end to the night
so if I just keep pushing through
eventually, there'll be no blue
to hold me down and back me up
instead good things will fill my cup
and from within this sad cocoon
a strong, sweet soul will surely bloom.

my nest

my nest, it keeps me safe and warm
and even in the worst of storms
inside it's walls I feel at ease
hurricanes become soft breeze
I know for sure it's safe to say
that come rainy or sunny days
I'll always have a place to go
to rest and heal my weary soul
so I can stretch my wings again
feel them push against the wind
and though I love to see the sky
back to my nest I'll always fly.

more

I know not why some men do think
female only means the color pink.
There's nothing more to her than bows,
and for you is her choice of clothes.
Anything inside her brain,
because she's female, is insane.
Her opinions, silly, go unheard,
make her wonder, "am I absurd?"
Strength, once, power filled her heart,
now forgotten, dwindle in the dark.
Of course she knows not what she wants,
female, without man, is lost.
No recognition rots her core,
makes her forget she can do more
More
     than pretty, sweet, dear things
More 
     than shuttering her wings
More
     than soft, silent, demure
More
     than begging at your door
More
     than seeking approval
More
     than worth your betrothal
More
     than just your property
More
     which starts her heart to sing
Her symphony one day will rise,
within her chorus you'll realize:
ignoring her was a mistake,
now left behind, you're in her wake.
Her fire was easily sparked -
naturally, her light shone far.
The glow kindled her fantasies,
helped her navigate rough seas.
Mere glimpse of what there is to hold,
whetted her thirst to see the world.
Now she simply cannot stop
reaching, working, for her cause.
For once she found she was a star,
she woke up, moved on, reached for more.

at a loss

What the fuck am I supposed to do?
It's obvious - there's something wrong.
And I don't even have a clue where to
begin to turn your night to dawn.
What the fuck am I supposed to do,
when constantly, there's no response?
I try and try to reach for you,
but I'm just a ghost that haunts.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
I don't want to overwhelm.
If there's something that you're going through
Please tell me, I can help!
What the fuck am I supposed to do
when the one I love's so blue?
I want to just be here for you,
to start your heart beating anew.

another day

Something I've discovered,
is that life will be okay.
No matter what the circumstance,
there'll come another day.
A day to tackle mountains,
to see the whole world shine
A day to conquer oceans,
and to wash away the brine.
The stars will shine forever,
a new world always turns.
The sun peeks up at morning,
waves, by the moon, are stirred.
There will be beginning,
each time there comes an end.
Flowers, each spring, blossom,
after winter's frosty hand.
Life is full of learning,
and of mistakes to be made.
But all these things are worth it -
open minds, they relish change.

doors, time, and distance

A white
                ghost
hangs
at the end of my bed
keeps reminding me of
things left
                unsaid
the satin,
                wrinkled
winks at me
at times brings back
fond
                memories
those times we looked
up at the stars
those days we thought
the world was
                ours
certain we were of
our uncertain fates
were so damn
                blind
to unworkable traits
the factors that
one day would lead
us to realize
we could not
                be
some things cannot
be overcome
cannot disappear with
soap and tongues
no measure could
try to
                repair
sometimes I wonder:
was there anything there?
of course there was
I know for sure
                it's just
time and distance
                closed

                our

                door

something profound

SOMETHING causes me to feel this way:
I think you've got strong things to say.
Why don't those words just leave your lips?
Please spit it out, I'll man my ship.
There must be something on your mind.
Why is it that I feel so blind?
Blind to your thoughts, your feels, your wants...
Just say something, I need response!
Maybe out of fear I look too deep -
I try too hard to find something.
Something that will make me sting,
will make me want to break my stuff,
make me feel I am enough,
enough for you to stick around,
for you to want to make a sound.
I cannot be the only one,
to step up, openly confront,
the feelings that I have toward this,
this never-ending deep abyss.
A rock must in time stop it's fall.
At this thought, I feel appalled.
Can I accept good energy?
Why can't I realize my old dreams?
Something inside holds me back.
It wraps me tight, keeps me entrapped.
Why must "trap" even be a part,
Of anything inside my heart?
It cannot, should not, will not be!
I must let this go with certainty,
Or capture it and break it down,
Rip it up and stomp around.
Pull it open, dig it out,
distill it down to end this drought,
before I ruin what's been found;
lose something I hold profound.

Stewing

Sometimes I don't know why
I feel as empty as I do
All the people whom I love
Slowly vanish while I stew

My mind inside feels hollow
Frozen eyes deep sunken holes
My ears are stuffed with cotton
Broken, fractured, is my skull

Tears rain down, so dormant
Barely dare to leave a mark
Endless darkness grips and reaches
Begging warmth from fire's spark

Silence rings fatally loud
The echo of a death is heard
There dances in the shadows now
A sullen beast, a hand with sword

Whispers grow, old voices rise
Unheard words destroy all quiet
Screeching mouths, filled with doubt
Slurs initiate a riot

The banging clanging crowd turns mob
What peace was left now gone
Destruction seekers stomp and crush
Any semblance of a god

A confrontation breaks apart
The rough and rowdy fight
Directly from the center bursts
An angry glowing light

Righteousness and justice shine
Against guilty faces hid with hand
The only thing these scoundrels hear
Is death's ultimate command

Submersion

Submerge yourself, immerse yourself.
Cut out all the noise.
Extract yourself, distract yourself.
Forget your tiny size.
Take a deep breath, breathe again.
Feel your heart beat in your chest.
Touch the ground beneath your feet.
Close your eyes and take this test.
Focus - deep down, bring it out.
Grasp it, pull it, tear it up.
What has brought you to this point?
What is there yet to come?
Look to the deep inside yourself.
Do not let you run from this.
Something's in there, something dark.
It grows beneath the surface.
What is it, this murky beast?
This thing defies attention.
It is gross and wrong and foul.
This will take more than reflection.
A war is coming, battling fear.
Prepare abundantly.
The psyche will take mighty blows.
Strikes to the ego there will ring.
Blood upon this shall be spilled.
Loss will come, intense.
There's only one thing left to do:
Let down all defense.